Venting No other end.

[Azael89]

I've wanted to CTB since I was 14, but I've endured the pain for years, thinking that maybe one day I'll find something or someone that would finally make me happy.

Now I'm 21 and I've finally realized that nothing and no one could ever make me feel happy. For my entire life the only company I had was my own, and I was used to it. But recently I've been thinking about the future and i realized that I'll probably be alone for the rest of my life. The only friends I have are online friends I met two years ago, and even though they've helped me through so much stuff, it's not the same as having people irl to talk and "go out with".

I honestly see no other end for me. I mean, why keep going? Just so I can experience the same exact thing over and over again, day after day until I'm too old or sick to continue?

I don't know how and when I'll CTB, but at this point it's not a possibility but a certainty.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand. There is nothing here for me in this world as well and the thought of suffering for many more decades is horrifying. Everything feels so pointless to me. I know that it is so dreadful when every day is just the same misery. This life really is so depressing. I wish you relief from pain.