No one is coming to save you.

[itsgone2]

that is so true. People often say how there's tons of help if we are willing to, but realistically there's none. No one really cares about you more than they care about themselves. Even medical professionals have been little help for me. Sure, they can provide the talking, but historically when I do needed real help with meeting my basic needs, no one was willing at all to help me dispense my meds, or give me financial aid as I was rejected on the basis of "not being vulnerable enough" (when in fact I had $0 savings and an overdrawn debit card = can't afford food, meds, insurance, rent, anything).

But then you read stories of people with multiple children who haven't worked in years and everything for them is government aid. Then others that are homeless. I don't get it either. Only homeless seems real to me.

 

[nitrogenous]

But then you read stories of people with multiple children who haven't worked in years and everything for them is government aid. Then others that are homeless. I don't get it either. Only homeless seems real to me.

Yeah… unfortunately for me, I'm not even available for a single government aid (again: not vulnerable enough) or they'll make other petty excuses as to why I'm not eligible for anything. It's really horrifying…

 

[woofwag]

Idk, I kind of agree and kind of don't. I've realized for myself that no one is capable of dragging me through recovery or saving me from my destruction and misery. They can try and help the best they can, but it's not within anyone's capacity to eliminate my own bad feelings. But most of the time people do want to help, and will try to do as much as they can to make that happen.

You're right, most people can't pay other people's bills or work daily for you. But even then, there are many situations where people will do that if they can. Literally a couple hours ago one of my friends just paid my rent so I can stay in my place another month. I didn't even ask them to do that, they just heard my situation and said they would. And they're a struggling college student who sometimes runs on just a couple dollars in their bank account until the end of the month when they get paid. Most people aren't capable of doing that, but a lot would if they could. There are systems set in place to try to help people. While these systems have many flaws, they are there and they do make a meaningful difference. Rehab programs, homeless shelters, disability pay, rental assistance, group homes, vocational rehab, etc etc I'm sure I'm missing a lot. While a lot of the system is fucked, the majority of people want to help and are trying their best to function within these systems so they can assist in whatever way possible.

It's also the unfortunate truth that a lot of people are targeted by other systems. ICE, cops, homeless sweeps, rollbacks on trans healthcare, rollbacks on women's healthcare, policing people's bodies, prison slave labor, and many more disgusting things I won't name. It's a fucked up world out there. Yet there are still millions and millions of people who care. Even if some of it ends up being harmful while well-intentioned.

Don't give up on other people. Try your best to find those who care, because they are out there. Even for a fucked up guy like me, I found people who want me to be happy and love me. It doesn't mean I suddenly feel better and am not suicidal anymore... but it helps.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm not sure it's always help we want though. Sometimes, it's just validation. The whole- 'I'm finding this difficult- is anyone else?' I think we feel less inadequate if we feel like its a common problem, not a solely 'us' problem.

I think also- we're probably all tired of the whole: 'Well, everyone finds it difficult. Everyone has their own struggles. You just have to suck it up.' Because I suppose- we're questioning that. Do we? I'm absolutely considering suicide as the alternative to simply accepting being a conformist slave- ultimately.

It's not actually entirely true either. There are plenty of NEETS here. Presumably- someone is looking after them. It's more down to circumstances or luck really- as to whether we have people in our lives either able or willing to support/ save us. Also, if you are a tax payer- you are effectively paying other people's bills. Some of that money I imagine will go into social security programmes to benefit people who can't support themselves.

For some though- sure. If we are able bodied enough and if our parents aren't willing to support us, we are on our own. That is perhaps the reality for the majority. A lot of parents I imagine, simply can't afford to pay for their children forever. So- if they don't qualify for benefits- they'll be faced with some pretty bleak choices. Wage slave and likely be exhausted and unhappy or, become destitute and likely struggle that way. If you're lucky- find a fulfilling job and/ or things that make life fulfilling. I think that's the shitty risk of life.

I'm not too sure what the message is here though ultimately? Life sucks and you're on your own but- still try to save yourself or- life sucks and you're on your own- which is reason in itself to not feel indebted to others to try to hold on? I suppose we could argue that either way.

As to- don't bother reaching out, because no one will save you. I'm not sure really. Depends on who we are asking and what we are asking for I think. I imagine most children have asked their parents for money at some stage. Even if they paid them back eventually. I definitely agree that we shouldn't ask with the expectation we will be helped. Especially not from strangers or, even friends. I've found that having expectations on people often leads to disappointment.

There again, you don't ask and you won't get. If you don't even tell people you're struggling, they may not realise. And, some may actually want to help- if they care about us. Especially if the alternative is we kill ourselves because we can't cope anymore. It doesn't even need to be big stuff either. Someone simply genuinely asking how you are can be huge when you feel like you're alone. The tricky part is when we long for or expect things from people I tend to think.

 

[derpyderpins]

I'm not sure it's always help we want though. Sometimes, it's just validation. The whole- 'I'm finding this difficult- is anyone else?' I think we feel less inadequate if we feel like its a common problem, not a solely 'us' problem.

I think also- we're probably all tired of the whole: 'Well, everyone finds it difficult. Everyone has their own struggles. You just have to suck it up.' Because I suppose- we're questioning that. Do we? I'm absolutely considering suicide as the alternative to simply accepting being a conformist slave- ultimately.

It's not actually entirely true either. There are plenty of NEETS here. Presumably- someone is looking after them. It's more down to circumstances or luck really- as to whether we have people in our lives either able or willing to support/ save us. Also, if you are a tax payer- you are effectively paying other people's bills. Some of that money I imagine will go into social security programmes to benefit people who can't support themselves.

For some though- sure. If we are able bodied enough and if our parents aren't willing to support us, we are on our own. That is perhaps the reality for the majority. A lot of parents I imagine, simply can't afford to pay for their children forever. So- if they don't qualify for benefits- they'll be faced with some pretty bleak choices. Wage slave and likely be exhausted and unhappy or, become destitute and likely struggle that way. If you're lucky- find a fulfilling job and/ or things that make life fulfilling. I think that's the shitty risk of life.

I'm not too sure what the message is here though ultimately? Life sucks and you're on your own but- still try to save yourself or- life sucks and you're on your own- which is reason in itself to not feel indebted to others to try to hold on? I suppose we could argue that either way.

As to- don't bother reaching out, because no one will save you. I'm not sure really. Depends on who we are asking and what we are asking for I think. I imagine most children have asked their parents for money at some stage. Even if they paid them back eventually. I definitely agree that we shouldn't ask with the expectation we will be helped. Especially not from strangers or, even friends. I've found that having expectations on people often leads to disappointment.

There again, you don't ask and you won't get. If you don't even tell people you're struggling, they may not realise. And, some may actually want to help- if they care about us. Especially if the alternative is we kill ourselves because we can't cope anymore. It doesn't even need to be big stuff either. Someone simply genuinely asking how you are can be huge when you feel like you're alone. The tricky part is when we long for or expect things from people I tend to think.

I think our wires are a little crossed.

I'm not saying no one will help at all. I think people want to help. I think emotional support is there and people should reach out for that.

I'm distinguishing that the help is not the type I'm internally calling for when I feel overwhelmed. I don't have the NEET situation to maintain my life, and I will indeed always be tax cattle rather than a receiver of benefits.

The message is to myself. There's nothing productive about the part of my internal script that wants someone or something to come along and change reality. It's a way for my ego to make the self avoid facing the grim reality. The type of help that would be required or the change in circumstance that would be required is too great. eg a bit of money just doesn't change that it needs to constantly flow in for the rest of my life, it just adds more debt and obligation. The saving because you might commit suicide could work once or twice, but the decades ahead remain looming.

People realize I'm suffering. My assistant and boss definitely saw that I had tears in my eyes all day yesterday, and my assistant told me to be sure I schedule time off and mental health days. But I told her, not being mean - I hope - that there's no such thing as a day off. It's just a day moved. It's taking Monday's work and putting it Saturday, or Thursday and Friday night.

 

[SilentSadness]

I live in delusion so that I don't have to accept this reality. I wish I could fully leave my body behind and live somewhere else

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Am I running around doing other people's work so they can get a break? No. Am I paying a bunch of other people's bills? No.

This is the truth. In the last few days I started crying out for help. I got it--verbally. From my dad, a friend, and from mental health professionals. My whining is closing off CTB options to me. Though I know I don't have the courage for them anyway, not even a gun. I fear that I'm going to drop out of life even more and suffer even more intensely until I try something stupid like cutting/bleeding and fail anyway.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think our wires are a little crossed.

I'm not saying no one will help at all. I think people want to help. I think emotional support is there and people should reach out for that.

I'm distinguishing that the help is not the type I'm internally calling for when I feel overwhelmed. I don't have the NEET situation to maintain my life, and I will indeed always be tax cattle rather than a receiver of benefits.

The message is to myself. There's nothing productive about the part of my internal script that wants someone or something to come along and change reality. It's a way for my ego to make the self avoid facing the grim reality. The type of help that would be required or the change in circumstance that would be required is too great. eg a bit of money just doesn't change that it needs to constantly flow in for the rest of my life, it just adds more debt and obligation. The saving because you might commit suicide could work once or twice, but the decades ahead remain looming.

People realize I'm suffering. My assistant and boss definitely saw that I had tears in my eyes all day yesterday, and my assistant told me to be sure I schedule time off and mental health days. But I told her, not being mean - I hope - that there's no such thing as a day off. It's just a day moved. It's taking Monday's work and putting it Saturday, or Thursday and Friday night.

Yes- that does make sense phrased like that. Sorry for my misunderstanding.

I think I probably tell myself the same. That I'm on my own to deal with this because- you're right- that is the reality for some people.

I suppose if you or I actually did have a breakdown and couldn't work though- maybe then, there might be support? But then, probably within a lot of us is a strong work and coping ethic that you still pretend you can work and cope- even when you feel like you can't.

And- true- kicking the can further down the road doesn't get rid of the worries- it just delays them.

I have actually had a former colleague who went through a full mental breakdown. He did return to work but somehow approached it differently- so it didn't get to him so much. I truly don't know how though. I think his partner helped a great deal. The ideal would be to have that mindset before the breakdown or suicide but then- I don't know how you get it, unfortunately.

I think he maybe had enough about life that he loved to feel like he must try to stop work ruining his health. I've actually worked with a few people who were very good at working on their terms but again, it isn't something we all feel able to do. Or, can do. Some jobs are too demanding for that.

Do you know what it is specifically getting to you? Too greater workload? Other people not pulling their weight? Office politics? I find companies will take the piss. They'll happily let you take on the work of two or more people. I guess if your job is very niche though, maybe you can't trust others to fill in the gaps.

I suppose I feel like there are still sometimes solutions. Asking for more assistants. Requesting that a particular job is given to someone else. I think part of the problem is, we're taught to feel like that's failure but- the way I tried to see it was- that it was the responsible thing to do. I emailed by boss in the early hours once to tell him it was likely all about to fall apart because I couldn't cope with the workload. Better for them to know before the shit hits the fan!

Then of course, I may be talking crap. There may be clear reasons why you're stuck where you are. I'm sorry it's so overwhelming.

 

[derpyderpins]

Yes- that does make sense phrased like that. Sorry for my misunderstanding.

no problem at all fam. While I'm normally Mr. positive paul, optimistic oliver, I'm capable of saying straight-up no good shit when I'm hurting.

I think I probably tell myself the same. That I'm on my own to deal with this because- you're right- that is the reality for some people.

I suppose if you or I actually did have a breakdown and couldn't work though- maybe then, there might be support? But then, probably within a lot of us is a strong work and coping ethic that you still pretend you can work and cope- even when you feel like you can't.

For me it's what the sources of that support would have to be, and they aren't acceptable. The seal is broken once the weakness is shown, and reliance on people feels like I'm owned by them.

And- true- kicking the can further down the road doesn't get rid of the worries- it just delays them.

I have actually had a former colleague who went through a full mental breakdown. He did return to work but somehow approached it differently- so it didn't get to him so much. I truly don't know how though. I think his partner helped a great deal. The ideal would be to have that mindset before the breakdown or suicide but then- I don't know how you get it, unfortunately.

I think he maybe had enough about life that he loved to feel like he must try to stop work ruining his health. I've actually worked with a few people who were very good at working on their terms but again, it isn't something we all feel able to do. Or, can do. Some jobs are too demanding for that.

To jump ahead, one thing getting to me is that I've lost pretty much all passion. It's survive and cope. So my health doesn't seem that important. If anything it is in the way. I'd gladly trade today for waking up back in a hospital bed in pain but no responsibilities.

Do you know what it is specifically getting to you? Too greater workload? Other people not pulling their weight? Office politics? I find companies will take the piss. They'll happily let you take on the work of two or more people. I guess if your job is very niche though, maybe you can't trust others to fill in the gaps.

It's too much workload. And it's me. I don't fit. It's not that I'm incapable, I just don't fit. Meaning with my strengths and weaknesses it will always be too much. But I'll also always make it through. My field only kinda judges you based on how much work you do: it's how many hours you bill. My ability to do some things quick and hyper-efficiently then struggle with other simple things is basically the worst combination. The best is a machine that steadily works without stopping rather than something that overclocks then needs a break.

And yeah, my strength that gives me value is excellent individual work product. I can't really share the burden.

I suppose I feel like there are still sometimes solutions. Asking for more assistants. Requesting that a particular job is given to someone else. I think part of the problem is, we're taught to feel like that's failure but- the way I tried to see it was- that it was the responsible thing to do. I emailed by boss in the early hours once to tell him it was likely all about to fall apart because I couldn't cope with the workload. Better for them to know before the shit hits the fan!

Then of course, I may be talking crap. There may be clear reasons why you're stuck where you are. I'm sorry it's so overwhelming.

It's not crap, and you're fine. In my observation, though, it would be better for me to bail if shit was going to hit the fan than show that weakness and stay in the place that has seen it. If I talk about being overwhelmed, it will be 'but you already aren't billing enough hours, therefore you actually need more work.' The idea of anxiety and executive disfunction killing my time-capture rate won't be taken seriously.

 

[Forever Sleep]

no problem at all fam. While I'm normally Mr. positive paul, optimistic oliver, I'm capable of saying straight-up no good shit when I'm hurting.

For me it's what the sources of that support would have to be, and they aren't acceptable. The seal is broken once the weakness is shown, and reliance on people feels like I'm owned by them.


To jump ahead, one thing getting to me is that I've lost pretty much all passion. It's survive and cope. So my health doesn't seem that important. If anything it is in the way. I'd gladly trade today for waking up back in a hospital bed in pain but no responsibilities.


It's too much workload. And it's me. I don't fit. It's not that I'm incapable, I just don't fit. Meaning with my strengths and weaknesses it will always be too much. But I'll also always make it through. My field only kinda judges you based on how much work you do: it's how many hours you bill. My ability to do some things quick and hyper-efficiently then struggle with other simple things is basically the worst combination. The best is a machine that steadily works without stopping rather than something that overclocks then needs a break.

And yeah, my strength that gives me value is excellent individual work product. I can't really share the burden.


It's not crap, and you're fine. In my observation, though, it would be better for me to bail if shit was going to hit the fan than show that weakness and stay in the place that has seen it. If I talk about being overwhelmed, it will be 'but you already aren't billing enough hours, therefore you actually need more work.' The idea of anxiety and executive disfunction killing my time-capture rate won't be taken seriously.

I really relate to you having lost your passion. I feel that way too and it's so much harder to work without that.

I can see where you're coming from. Some jobs, there's next to no choice but to work a certain way. It almost annoys me when people have told me in the past: 'not to work too hard' because there's not really any other way of doing it. You either work fast and intensely or, you work long hours.

I suppose another job in the same sort of field would be the same? I chose to risk going freelance so at least I could work from home and manage my own time, not have to commute etc. But then, it has its own stressors.

 

[derpyderpins]

I really relate to you having lost your passion. I feel that way too and it's so much harder to work without that.

I can see where you're coming from. Some jobs, there's next to no choice but to work a certain way. It almost annoys me when people have told me in the past: 'not to work too hard' because there's not really any other way of doing it. You either work fast and intensely or, you work long hours.

I suppose another job in the same sort of field would be the same? I chose to risk going freelance so at least I could work from home and manage my own time, not have to commute etc. But then, it has its own stressors.

Pretty much anything realistic would be the same. But I might be able to save a ton of time with a smaller commute/wfh

 

[reticulator]

No one can help what I've become. I don't know how I got this low, I've always had issues , severe ones but I've never been this low before. I would somehow have to pull myself out but I have no idea how.

 

[violetforever]

this is exactly what i was thinking about this morning. the only help i need now is if someone is offering advice for suicide. im well aware no one cares about me and there will be no grand gesture in "saving" me. everyone else i know is honestly struggling too, whether or not they are seriously suicidal like me.