I was never strongly religious although, I was raised within a Quasi-Christian belief. As in- belief in God, heaven, some of the commandments but- no going to church or practicing the religion in depth.
I suppose it was a combination of disliking some of the beliefs of family members- pertaining to suicide and hell actually. Beginning to look at the world and question myself. But then also- that people I really started to admire for their intellect- were atheists- which made me seriously question God and religion. I also found atheists to be kinder- in my own experience again- which seemed counterintuitive.
I suppose, in my own experience (not saying this as a general rule,) the most intelligent people I've known- have been atheists. All except one. There was a local man in the area who was extremely clever. To the extent that he had something to do with the government. Yet- he was deeply religious. Not meaning it to sound insulting but- I would wonder- aren't you too intelligent to believe in all this?
I suppose- as someone who would actually prefer to be outright atheist- it almost troubled me. It actually gives me confidence to hear someone like Stephen Fry or Christopher Hitchens talk. Clearly- two very intelligent men. When they question or criticize religion and opt for atheism- it gives me hope that they are right. (Seeing as I can't see how the creator of this world could be good or fair.)
What troubled me with this local, highly religious man was that, while he believed strongly, he was clearly open to scrutinizing his own faith. He actually ran bible and confirmation groups. My Dad went to them at one point. My Dad has some doubts- which this man was absolutely open to hear and discuss. I suppose- it troubled me that- someone far more intelligent than me, far more well read and knowledgable than me had presumably gone through all the scrutinizing and still come to the conclusion that there is a God- worthy of worship.
I used to wonder if in part, his faith was tied up with people, memories, nostalgia. I understand he was very close to his Mum and his Mum/ parents presumably brought him up in that faith. I wonder if sometimes practicing a religion is also a connection to family. Keeping faith with them- as much as faith with God. It's perhaps a mark of respect to adopt the faith of our parents.
I've also known people turn to faith during difficult times in their lives. I think the idea itself is appealing. A fatherly figure they can rely on when they need support.
I suppose I personally struggle to see God that way- given how the world has been designed and left. Still, I think we're very capable as a species- of believing in things that comfort us.
I suppose for some too- it actually is real. That's why it's called faith I suppose. Maybe it's literallly a gut feeling for them- that doesn't require proof.
My feeling is that I simply don't feel sure either way. I don't think having nothing to prove there is a God necessarily means there isn't one. It may just mean God doesn't want there to be concrete proof. Faith seems to be important to this entity. How better to test faith than to leave no absolute proof plus- to test people's faith by allowing 'false' religions for them to follow? Or, the temptation to turn atheist and doubt everything?
What I do feel more sure of/ worried about is that- there are so many things (to my mind) that suggest that- if there is a creator of this world. If there is intention behind it- I don't see how it can be all together good or have sentient creature's best interests at heart.
So many things (for me) point towards this being having very unpleasant traits like narcissism, sadism, psychopathy. So- for me- it's more a fervant hope that such a God doesn't exist. If it's bad luck behind all the crap in life- that we can at least escape from one day- that's one thing. If however, we are under rulership by a being with all these questionable intentions and actions- I feel like we're screwed.
