no matter how hard I try, I will fail.

[degeneratewaste]

today I got a text saying that my mental health appointment is being cancelled... again. this is the second time, and I've waited 3 weeks for this now. they didn't even attempt to reschedule.

I don't know why I always get attached to those little bits of hope, even when I know that they aren't really going to work out. the mind just clings to it. hope is a bitch.

I feel so worthless for even thinking that they will help me. doctors here have turned me down for years, and with each time it just makes me more inclined to believe that suicide has to be the only answer. no one cares here until you attempt. maybe I should just do that instead, and I'll get noticed, one way or the other.

 

[Lilacmoon]

Whatever you do, we'll support your decisions.
I hate you've had to go through this for so long. You deserved help a very very long time ago, but they just don't care, or are unable to give adequate support.
You are held dear to a lot of hearts here. Even if you feel you're worthless, many will care and ascribe you value anyways. Hopefully that provides a fraction of relief for your pain :(

 

[MichaelNomad123]

You're making all the right moves and it will eventually pay dividends, even if you can't see it now. You're utilizing the two tools that you need for change to happen -- time and effort. Whenever you call the reception, if they don't reschedule another mental health assessment get an appointment with the GP instead and simply tell them you're going to end your life and that you have a plan. They have to refer you. It will be awkward in the office talking about these things, but you'll be glad of it at the end of the road. If you need any help with what to say or do, don't hesitate to ask me or someone else. If you're like me, you worry about the small details, so perhaps that's helpful.

You're doing good. Remember that you have already started the ball rolling yourself. Life has a habit of using full-stops or exclamation points when it means to use commas, unfortunately. Sometimes you have to go back and correct it, if you get me.

 

[Zyntkalla]

I feel the same way as well. I have been feeling this way till I was about 6,and also I did know I had these problems even before finding out. And ever since that day I didn't want to be here. And also I want to die around age 6, and I still feel that way.

 

[timf]

I wouldn't be so quick to see the event you describe as being a "failure' on your part. It sounds more like a failure on their part. Medical people often promote a facade of "professionalism" which can hide a steep ignorance. It is doubly sad that people who present themselves as superior often contribute to those who unjustly see themselves as inferior.

Nobody is superior or inferior, we all make mistakes and struggle just to get by. That you persevere in spite of professional neglect is more a testimony to your success and their failure.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Yes, that's not your failure, it's theirs. I agree very much with @timf in fact i couldn't have said it any better.