Story News from my doctor made me scared of actually dying

[sayuri]

Crazy how I think a lot about CTB, but this week my dermatologist said I have to make a surgery to remove a part of my skin that has some marks on it or it can probably kill me in future (skin cancer). I'm feeling scared and anxious even tho it's not something worrying for now but it's just kinda ironic. Anyways, I'm not gonna die to this so I'm doing the surgery soon hopefully.

 

[blehh1923]

it seems like your scared you wont die on your own terms
we are suicidal but if someone pointed a gun at our heads we would try our best to live . its weird

 

[Monad]

I am the same way, it boils down to a few things.

1. Control Over Death

• You want to control how you go out. In life, you don't control many things. Having a "way out" that you control is very comforting to most.

2. Fear of Pain or Suffering

• Even if you do want to CTB, thinking of dying of cancer or some other disease could bring fear of pain and suffering. No one wants to go through the pain and suffering of a prolonged death due to cancer, even those of us who want to CTB. Everyone, even those who don't want to CTB, know they will perish eventually, and they also want a quick and painless death.

3. Survival Instincts

• Most people, even those who want or do CTB, have survival instincts they have to get over. Survival is so deeply rooted in our biology that it prevents most people from CTB. Many CTB by doing passive things, such as ingesting substances, as it is not as extreme to them as saying pulling a trigger. This is how some get over these survival instincts. If you desire to CTB, you will almost certainly have to get over some sort of survival instinct in some way. Many use alcohol or benzos to do so, but in day-to-day life, you don't have these things. Being faced with the thought or possibility of cancer kicks your survival instincts into gear to save you. This is why you care so much about this even if you do want to CTB.

Hope this helps you understand things a bit better. I also wish you well through your surgery and recovery.

 

[2messdup]

Crazy how I think a lot about CTB, but this week my dermatologist said I have to make a surgery to remove a part of my skin that has some marks on it or it can probably kill me in future (skin cancer). I'm feeling scared and anxious even tho it's not something worrying for now but it's just kinda ironic. Anyways, I'm not gonna die to this so I'm doing the surgery soon hopefully.

I noticed a heart arrythmia and set off to get it checked out. I think out of habit. On the way there I suddenly thought wtf . Still got it checked and sadly it's benign.

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

I think the idea of dying not on my own terms scares me, like I could I'd want to ease myself into it. But regardless I hope the surgery goes well!

 

[sayuri]

I am the same way, it boils down to a few things.

1. Control Over Death

• You want to control how you go out. In life, you don't control many things. Having a "way out" that you control is very comforting to most.

2. Fear of Pain or Suffering

• Even if you do want to CTB, thinking of dying of cancer or some other disease could bring fear of pain and suffering. No one wants to go through the pain and suffering of a prolonged death due to cancer, even those of us who want to CTB. Everyone, even those who don't want to CTB, know they will perish eventually, and they also want a quick and painless death.

3. Survival Instincts

• Most people, even those who want or do CTB, have survival instincts they have to get over. Survival is so deeply rooted in our biology that it prevents most people from CTB. Many CTB by doing passive things, such as ingesting substances, as it is not as extreme to them as saying pulling a trigger. This is how some get over these survival instincts. If you desire to CTB, you will almost certainly have to get over some sort of survival instinct in some way. Many use alcohol or benzos to do so, but in day-to-day life, you don't have these things. Being faced with the thought or possibility of cancer kicks your survival instincts into gear to save you. This is why you care so much about this even if you do want to CTB.

Hope this helps you understand things a bit better. I also wish you well through your surgery and recovery.

Makes sense. Thanks for the insight. :)
Personally I'm not 100% sure on CTB, I'm not committed, it's just something I think about and consider sometimes, so there's that too.

I think the idea of dying not on my own terms scares me, like I could I'd want to ease myself into it. But regardless I hope the surgery goes well!

Yeah I agree with that, it's really scary. Thanks, I hope it all goes smooth :]

 

[Monad]

Makes sense. Thanks for the insight. :)
Personally I'm not 100% sure on CTB, I'm not committed, it's just something I think about and consider sometimes, so there's that too.

Understandable. It's comforting having a "way out" should life shit itself, even if you never use your "way out"

As said above, I hope surgery goes well and you recover quickly! <3

 

[JoysoftheEmptiness]

it seems like your scared you wont die on your own terms
we are suicidal but if someone pointed a gun at our heads we would try our best to live . its weird

I fully agree with that, I want to die on my terms, not God's or someone in the street.

 

[MidnightCat]

it seems like your scared you wont die on your own terms
we are suicidal but if someone pointed a gun at our heads we would try our best to live . its weird

This is actually something I experienced. Seems fucked off to want to ctb but be afraid of dying otherwise...

 

[Overwhelmed52]

I actually have been fantasizing about dying a natural death lately, but I'd want something really quick. Just get sick and quickly and peacefully die. It's definitely one thing to have a fantasy, though, and another to have to face a reality. Hugs to you.