New and ready to plan.

[SortaTired]

Hey guys! I wanted to introduce myself since I'm new here.

First I need to learn the acronyms I see N and SN tossed around a lot and am very curious as to what they are.

Second, I guess I'll post a bit about me. I have a feeling I may be. Good but older than most of you. I'm 35 and have been co side ting suicide since I was very young. I had suicidal ideations as early as 4/5 and have never met a community where I can say that without being told I'm wrong for it. So I'm glad to be here.

As far as "life" goes, I have a pretty good one, which makes it even harder to talk about this without fear of being judged. I have a boyfriend who loves me very much, he's the kindest person you could ask for and he's well liked by pretty much anyone who meets him, he works out constantly and is super sexy I landed a job last year that pays way more money than I'm worth and I'm reasonably healthy (apart from being HIV positive and fat) neither I'd which are a big deal in todays world.

By all means I don't have the justification towards wanting to die that most do. There are a lot of sad stories in here and people who have had much harder lives than I. But that's part of why I want to, I am not able to be happy.

Even with money, an amazing partner, good job, supportive friends, trying meds, moving across the country, and many more hallow attempts; I just don't think this world or this life is for me and I think it's my right to make that decision and my right to say how I feel whether I "deserve" to feel that way or not.

Anyway I look forward to talking to you all for a bit!

 

[symphony]

Heyo, welcome! N is nembutal (a drug used commonly in euthenasia and assisted suicide) and SN is sodium nitrite. There are megathreads for each but I'm tired and can't be bothered to find them myself. My one piece of advice would be not to rush things if you have the choice not to - there's a lot to learn here, more than I realized at first. I look forward to interacting with you more around the forum!

 

[SortaTired]

Heyo, welcome! N is nembutal (a drug used commonly in euthenasia and assisted suicide) and SN is sodium nitrite. There are megathreads for each but I'm tired and can't be bothered to find them myself. My one piece of advice would be not to rush things if you have the choice not to - there's a lot to learn here, more than I realized at first. I look forward to interacting with you more around the forum!

Thanks Symphony! I'm going to stick around a bit. I have a lot of planning to do and I intend for things to look like an accident, which has a whole set of challenges in and of itself. My BF and I have been together for almost 10 years, unfortunately I'm the bread winner so I need to be able to leave him enough to stay afloat.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also do not see myself as being meant for this world. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Noctis]

Hey guys! I wanted to introduce myself since I'm new here.

First I need to learn the acronyms I see N and SN tossed around a lot and am very curious as to what they are.

Second, I guess I'll post a bit about me. I have a feeling I may be. Good but older than most of you. I'm 35 and have been co side ting suicide since I was very young. I had suicidal ideations as early as 4/5 and have never met a community where I can say that without being told I'm wrong for it. So I'm glad to be here.

As far as "life" goes, I have a pretty good one, which makes it even harder to talk about this without fear of being judged. I have a boyfriend who loves me very much, he's the kindest person you could ask for and he's well liked by pretty much anyone who meets him, he works out constantly and is super sexy I landed a job last year that pays way more money than I'm worth and I'm reasonably healthy (apart from being HIV positive and fat) neither I'd which are a big deal in todays world.

By all means I don't have the justification towards wanting to die that most do. There are a lot of sad stories in here and people who have had much harder lives than I. But that's part of why I want to, I am not able to be happy.

Even with money, an amazing partner, good job, supportive friends, trying meds, moving across the country, and many more hallow attempts; I just don't think this world or this life is for me and I think it's my right to make that decision and my right to say how I feel whether I "deserve" to feel that way or not.

Anyway I look forward to talking to you all for a bit!

There are no reasons for wanting to die that are more valid than others. Just because someone has had a life you think is harder than yours doesn't diminish the pain you've dealt with. Perusing through here, you'll find hundreds of different reasons people want to die, and there are hundreds of lives that led to that point. The takeaway is if you're unhappy and think your life is unbearable, then your reasons are valid, whatever they are.

 

[Al_stargate]

Sorry about how you feel. If overall, you enjoy and have good things in life then it might be worth sticking around. You never know what comes after. There is no judgment here, you can express your thoughts freely, if you feel just talking about these things to get it off your mind here you'll find support. I personally don't want to convince anyone of whether to do it or not, because I have no idea what someone's been through and the pain they avoid by doing this. Hope you find some meaning, joy, and happiness in your life!