Venting Never enough

[Moonlight Roses]

I hate that all I want is to feel loved and cared for, and even though it so simple it's asking for too much. I bust my ass day n night I do everything I can to fulfill my partner and do right be her and it amounts to nothing, im treated as if im worthless as if im nothing, im never enough. Why can't I just be enough? She told me i loved the way Jesus loved, truly unconditionally. That was said because after everything I never stopped loving her even when she stopped for me. Never stopped providing and doing what I needed to do so she could be in a better place, live happy and free. But even giving her everything I could, everything I thought she wanted, that I thought I understood from conversations we had, nah it wasn't enough, I wasn't enough. I never will be enough. I spend all time working, I get off work and still end up running around running errands helping around the house taking her out or running to the store fill her cravings, I do what I gotta do for not just me but her as well, but it's enough, I guess I'm just invisible. Invisible, that's exactly why I'm on here writing this because no one's actually gonna see this, no one's actually going to care, and there's no point in pretending because truth is. After I post this I'll hop off this site look to my left to see her while she snores in my ear and I'll hold her and I'll act like nothings wrong whilst I fill my head about my SI and I'll come up with a plan that I won't stick to. Because deep inside I know no one really cares and I'm apart of that because If I did I would've done it right? I'm pretty much done here, it's sad tho right? How I'm on here writing this all up whilst the person I've spent so long devoting myself and working myself to daily exhaustion for sleeps beside me soundly snoring off, it's depressing to think that this is just how shit is. I love this person so much whilst they don't feel the same. They say they do, but then I get berated, belittled, degraded, humiliated. Im treated like nothing more than a punching bag. All im good for is providing and being treated like shit. It's like being an abused puppy. Anyways I'm done ranting til next time I guess.

 

[RoseGirl]

*hugs*
U poor thing :c
Ur relationship situation sounds so overwhelming..

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

It felt strange to read your post because it looks so much like my life. But all feeling has been burned out of my relationship so maybe it's easier for me because it's a dead still-moving zombie of a thing now. But yeah, you are not alone in this special flavor of hell. I'm the one in the cell next door to you, pounding on the wall to say "hi".

 

[GeminiButter]

I'm sorry you are in so much pain and living with this much suffering. I am sending hugs and love to you, friend.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It is really sad. I wish you had someone or even found someone who was more appreciative and reciprocal of what you do for them. Was she more loving and giving at the start? We love who we love though.

Being ok with being single, I sometimes wonder why people put up with what they do in relationships. I guess it's that feeling that something is better than nothing. Plus, I suppose genuine love and concern for that person still holds them there. I'm sorry though. It's got to hurt a lot.