Venting Never amounting to anything because of ADHD (+autism)

[penguinl0v3s]

I take 4 hours to complete what other people would complete in 1 hour. My entire life is wasted sitting in front of a desk and doing things that I hate to get a job to sustain my living. My coworkers and family and some friends all tell me that I could become a doctor or a lawyer or a engineer, but I know that I was always infinitely far away from that becoming a reality because I spend my entire life doing nothing and yet feel super exhausted all the time. I just tell people I'm lazy and am giving that up and they judge me for being so pathetic, but the reality is that I'm working harder than anyone just to get less results.

I've already tried blocking out distractions and this is successful but what happens is that I get distracted by my own thoughts even if I'm not doing anything, and they're not even like interesting thoughts just ultra depressing thoughts about how wrong my life has gone.

It's clear and apparent to my close circle that I suffer from all the traits of ADHD, including my medical professionals. But they don't have the oversight to diagnosis me, so I just have to deal with it unmedicated (I tried meds before but it didn't work because they exacerbate my other health condition and I don't have access to better meds). I can't get diagnosed because my insurance doesn't cover the cost of diagnosis. A diagnosis costs four figures and the wait list is a whole year out. I'm so desperate for proper treatment, but the government is making medication more difficult to access than ever too and maybe I'll die from my ADHD (I've never heard of people killing themselves over ADHD, idk am I just more pathetic than other people and cope worse?). It took me a decade to get treated for my debilitating physical condition because doctors didn't believe girls could be sick.

I already broke "my don't break down crying from school/work" streak after less than 2 weeks of school starting again :/ I'm so pathetic that I can't deal with the basic responsibilities that everyone else in the world does.

And also people hate me before the first interaction because of autism lol. But if I complained about that, the post would be too long.

Advice or support are both appreciated.

 

[abcdefg789]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time.

Yup, some people have a lot more trouble dealing with daily responsibilities than others. That's okay. Ther is a vast range of capabilities in the human race.

You have inherent value because you are a human being.

I hope you find some solace somewhere.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time.

Yup, some people have a lot more trouble dealing with daily responsibilities than others. That's okay. Ther is a vast range of capabilities in the human race.

You have inherent value because you are a human being.

I hope you find some solace somewhere.

I don't understand the idea of having inherent value. Why would I inherently be anything just because of my species? The only thing I inherently see myself as is a human being, and other people (even some so-called progressive) can't even agree with that. I've been told I don't know how to be human due to my autistic traits of low social understanding. I'm not trying to be inflammatory I genuinely just have a question about where your belief comes from.

 

[alwayspissedoff]

I don't understand the idea of having inherent value. Why would I inherently be anything just because of my species? The only thing I inherently see myself as is a human being, and other people (even some so-called progressive) can't even agree with that. I've been told I don't know how to be human due to my autistic traits of low social understanding. I'm not trying to be inflammatory I genuinely just have a question about where your belief comes from.

completely agree. our value comes from what we bring to this world. if I've never brought any goods to this world, I don't see how I could have value.
I am also autistic and I feel I wasn't made for this world at all.

 

[booplesnoot34]

The only thing that really works is medication. I'm sorry. If you can ever get on Vyvanse (there's a generic now!) it's worth a shot. Non-stimulants do jack.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I'm hypersensitive to everything but for me the supplement cognizin had good effect as well on quieting down my mind.
Not adhd meds but a noticeable difference. If its really impossible to get a diagnosis or medication (dumb fking healthcare system, it's insane it isn't covered), you might give that a shot?
And I've heard fish/krill oil from adhd friends although I've personally not noticed much improvement from it. Coffee (or any high caffeine stuff) helps me too, although I can only do so much.

Adhd is a bitch, sorry you're dealing with it too

 

[MonkeyButter]

I'm in the same boat. Not sure if that helps but you aren't the only one. My father is also ADHD Autism but he was successful so its possible to live a happy productive life with these issues.

The lack impetus to do what is necessary that you experience is a symptom of "executive dysfunction". There are ways to help counter it but you will have to seek them out. I can give an example though. Say you need to do dishes but can't seem to get started or stay on task. You can literally just stand up, walk to sink, turn on water and then attach yourself to the sink area with a bungie. That way you are forced to deal with the dishes and not stop until completion. There are countless other little strategies out there and they don't cost any money.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I'm in the same boat. Not sure if that helps but you aren't the only one. My father is also ADHD Autism but he was successful so its possible to live a happy productive life with these issues.

The lack impetus to do what is necessary that you experience is a symptom of "executive dysfunction". There are ways to help counter it but you will have to seek them out. I can give an example though. Say you need to do dishes but can't seem to get started or stay on task. You can literally just stand up, walk to sink, turn on water and then attach yourself to the sink area with a bungie. That way you are forced to deal with the dishes and not stop until completion. There are countless other little strategies out there and they don't cost any money.

Where do you find the executive function to tie yourself to a kitchen counter?!

And even then I could find twenty things to do that is not the dishes



Also "you can literally just stand up and walk go the sink" it's pretty much the thing I cannot do if I'm having executive dysfunction, that's the executive dysfunctional part of not being able to start? Just do it is not a solution.

Might also depend on how severe your adhd is



I agree there are a workarounds, tricks and everything for sure! I never let anything be on the counter in terms of dirty dishes so it can't overwhelm me as easily and the task is broken up in tiny bits throughout the day.



Sorry you're dealing with it too!

 

[MonkeyButter]

Where do you find the executive function to tie yourself to a kitchen counter?!

I like you. You fucking funny. I uhh hadn't thought of that which is probably why my dishes aren't done. I guess you can capitalize on the next time you get up to do something else that takes you near the sink like a "I'm already up" type situation.

Or maybe we can set a snare trap under the sink that would trap us there?

 

[SergantWallbridge]

There's approximately 0 neurotypical people that reward and appreciate others in a way that's consistent and commensurate with "the value they bring to the world". This is a dumbass bullshit ass narrative, that is meant to inspire and energize normies, not to be something taken seriously or literarly.

 

[SASU-KE]

I have ADHD myself, undiagnosed. It's a brutal thing to cope with. All my life I have suffered in school and college because of it and even at work now I am upskilling myself to keep up with the current trends in coding.

What happens is I have to spend a lot of time to do what others would do in far less. I've accepted it. This is the way it's going to be.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

There's approximately 0 neurotypical people that reward and appreciate others in a way that's consistent and commensurate with "the value they bring to the world". This is a dumbass bullshit ass narrative, that is meant to inspire and energize normies, not to be something taken seriously or literarly.

Is there something that neurotypical people do reward in your opinion?

 

[SergantWallbridge]

I

Is there something that neurotypical people do reward in your opinion?

This is a very complex topic and a lot hinges on what we understand by "reward". Presumably, when you make a survey, people are going to tell you they value stuff like integrity, good attitude, altruism, empathy, that kind of stuff. Rather than being a genuine reflection of their preferencess, the answers along those lines seem to be a part of a social script; "I am *supposed* to be valuing these things"/*It makes me look good to claim to value this things".

It's important to note I am not accusing anyone of cynicism here. I am not claiming "people explicitly reason in their conscious minds, trying to craft an answer deliberately optimized to increase their social capital". I am claiming "people, through the process of socialisation, aquire, develop and reinforce reflexive responses that were historically met with approval and reuse them when contextually appropriate."

When assesing what people value and reward we'd need to look at what they actually do. Are they more likely to dedicate resources to partners that are sincere, emotionally inteligent and caring or those that are conventionally attractive and have a high social status? I am inclined to believe the latter. Do they value the actual integrity or the mix of resourcefullness and social competence that allow one to maintain the appearance of integrity while getting the stuff done, no matter how dirty? Again, i am inclined to believe the latter. [**other examples along those lines**]

What I am talking about here applies just (or almost just) as much to nd people as to nt people.

 

[.idiot]

Bit of advice when you manage to get prescribed medication: push for getting lisdexamphetamines. Do NOT take stattera. I got an ADHD diagnosis at age three- which I am pretty sure was a misdiagnosis that happened as a result of my poor behaviour as a child due to my home life- and took it until I was twelve. Shit turns you into a ghoul. Constantly tired, bloat like a balloon, and dopey and irritable.



Now, I don't have anything to say for dealing with distractions due to ADHD on account of a lack of knowledge about that stuff, but for avoiding normgroids clocking you as a sperg, here's some things I make sure to do so I blend in. Could be of help:



Look them in the eye. Really hard. They may or may not end up thinking you're a weirdo, but they're more likely to think you're an autist if you avoid eye contact a lot, which is considered to be a big sign of it.



Do NOT fidget. Playing with your hands, shaking them about- don't do it. Some gesticulating is fine- could even assist in The Masquerade if done in moderation since normies do it often, but be light on it if you do do it.



Your posture- practice in the mirror if you must. Maintain a straight, upright form- but not TOO hard. Slouch your shoulders just a little bit, maybe have your neck craned a tiny amount- a little bit of imperfection is what sells it. Don't be too stiff when walking about either.



Now, the main problem: talking. You want to minimise how much you speak AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. This will minimise the chances of you saying something that would give away your autism- whether that be sperg inflection when saying certain words, stuttering a lot, or pausing mid-sentence because you don't know what to say.



How do you minimise having to speak? By making the normie you are interacting with be the one to talk and lead the conversation. Quickly analyse anything of note about them, see what stands out, and them ask them about it- for example, they got a pin or something on their shirt, ask them what it is. Listen VERY closely when they speak for another thing you can ask about to keep them talking. You have to make sure to make it seem like you are paying attention to what they say, regardless of how fucking vain and boring normiebabble is. Nod occasionally to what they say and throw in the occasional "yeah, yeah"- once again, do this in moderation, or you'll look like you're just nodding along without listening. Which you likely will be since normies are dull as a club hammer, but you do not want them to know that.



If you execute all of this well, they will leave from the conversation thinking you're a pretty chill person who is a good listener.