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Qua

Qua

there's no turning back now
Apr 30, 2023
77
I feel so absolutely terrible like every single day is a misery. I was born into one family that was fucked up and fucksd up my mental health then my mom and me started a new family with a different guy and it's the same if not worse literally my whole life has been a mess has been fucking me up has been destroying me inside out I can't take this anymore I don't even care about my mother's feelings now if I hurt myself. I came back to cutting after 5 months of being clean, I came back to hitting punching myself after like 1 year of being clean and I feel like absolute shit also because I can't cut "properly" like I'm scared of this for some reason. Rn I'm sitting outside with my dog it's 9pm and I either won't come back until they call me back of some shit cut I'm so done I swear I wanna disappear I wanna die I want to feel physically bad so I don't feel mentally bad. I plan on not sleeping the whole night so I exhaust myself I'm so done I can't I started abusing calming meds to drug myself cuz then I don't feel anything anymore and I know it's bad but what else am I supposed to fucking do
 
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remluvr

remluvr

Trying to Find Forever peace.
Jun 17, 2024
65
I'm so sorry you're going through this :/ I hope you can find peace somehow.
 
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Traveller12724

Experienced
May 14, 2024
264
I feel so absolutely terrible like every single day is a misery. I was born into one family that was fucked up and fucksd up my mental health then my mom and me started a new family with a different guy and it's the same if not worse literally my whole life has been a mess has been fucking me up has been destroying me inside out I can't take this anymore I don't even care about my mother's feelings now if I hurt myself. I came back to cutting after 5 months of being clean, I came back to hitting punching myself after like 1 year of being clean and I feel like absolute shit also because I can't cut "properly" like I'm scared of this for some reason. Rn I'm sitting outside with my dog it's 9pm and I either won't come back until they call me back of some shit cut I'm so done I swear I wanna disappear I wanna die I want to feel psychically bad so I don't feel mentally bad. I plan on not sleeping the whole night so I exhaust myself I'm so done I can't I started abusing calming meds to drug myself cuz then I don't feel anything anymore and I know it's bad but what else am I supposed to fucking do
If you wanna use physical suffering to numb mental pain, why not channel that anger and energy into endurance sport, that's what I do, I run a lot of miles to physically exhaust myself so I don't feel anything mentally. Anyway I thought I would share that but I am sorry about the fucked up situation that you were born into.
 
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Qua

Qua

there's no turning back now
Apr 30, 2023
77
If you wanna use physical suffering to numb mental pain, why not channel that anger and energy into endurance sport, that's what I do, I run a lot of miles to physically exhaust myself so I don't feel anything mentally.
Thank you a lot for the idea, but the thing is when such feeling hits I have no strength to do anything productive. I enjoy dancing tho, might try that more often
 
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Traveller12724

Experienced
May 14, 2024
264
Thank you a lot for the idea, but the thing is when such feeling hits I have no strength to do anything productive. I enjoy dancing tho, might try that more often
The trick I have found is that if I wait for those feelings to hit, I have no energy as well, so that's why I do it as a routine every morning so I am exhausted physically by the time those feelings are more likely to hit, it ends up being a preventative measure rather a coping mechanism
 
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