Need help to dissociate

[Heartbroken Nurse]

I dissociated once after learning that four of my five children were raped by a very trusted family member. Honestly, the dissociation was probably the best thing that's ever happened to me. The first time in my life, I was not overwhelmed with feelings. I'm at a point now, where I know I'm not OK and I don't wanna feel this. I don't know how I dissociated, I know it's a trauma response, but I've had a lot of trauma recently and have not been able to get back to that blessed state. Every time I try to ask, I keep finding that it's not good to dissociate, that it just causes more long-term problems. I don't care. I need to not feel what I'm feeling right now.

Can anyone, anyone at all, help me induce the state of dissociation? I can't go through another night of the images, the sadness, the pain.

 

[woofwag]

I am so so sorry that happened to you. I am a victim of CSA myself. I can only imagine how horrible it is to hear this happened to your own children.

Dissociation is a tool. It is neutral without context and nuance as to how it is used. Too much can be a problem, but if you need to dissociate to survive, then alright, that's what you need to do. I say this as someone with DID.

I'm not a psych, and I've not had experience with this type of situation so take my advice with a grain of salt. What I have discovered is that there is no guaranteed way to make yourself dissociate. It kind of just happens when it happens. But you can egg that on a bit.

I find that different types of music can induce dissociation. Listening to things I listened to when going through horrible times can sometimes induce it. Sometimes just devastating music does the trick. Dissociating with video games/content is helpful, but often makes me feel miserable in the end. Thinking about certain triggering events can induce it, but idk if I'd recommend that one since it can make it worse sometimes.

While not being dissociation directly, you can have a similar effect by deeply grounding yourself with the world. I will go outside and sit on the ground, imagining myself becoming rooted into it, observing the nature and telling myself that I am now part of it. I am a tree or mushroom of some kind, no longer a person attached to the problems I have but a part of nature. Detaching yourself from humanity like that feels a lot like dissociation, although technically it's just a grounding technique.

Dissociative drugs can also produce this effect. Please be careful though, as you could become addicted. Ketamine has been lovely for me. You could look into ketamine therapies if you think that would be helpful. It can be very effective in treating PTSD for some people.

All of these should be done with caution and moderation. Do what feels right to you, and don't try to force something that isn't working. I am wishing you the best. I'm sorry this is happening to you.