Nearly there but not quite

[Darknessallaround]

I've been feeling in a desperate place again and the conflict in my head is exhausting.
I have a plan, method, means - I've considered acting on it when under intense emotional distress. I know thoughts are not facts and they don't have to be acted on; the problem is one of head (wanting to) vs heart (not feeling able to). I am literally putting one foot in front of the other to get through each day.

I wouldn't call myself strong for choosing to stay alive, it's just the easiest option because I haven't yet found the courage to end it, mainly through fear of failing and making things a whole lot worse. I just go to bed every night and really hope I don't wake up in the morning.

 

[FuneralCry]

The fear of failure is also what holds me back from ctb, all I want is to peacefully pass away. Falling asleep and never waking is what I would like the most. I'm sorry you are suffering. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[myopybyproxy]

I feel similarly - the issue is finding a convenient time and doing a few last tasks. But I keep delaying those and finding a different time to go. Why do I procrastinate so when every day I awaken to find I've unfortunately not died in my sleep I spend complaining and flailing around trying to fill the empty time with meaningless trinkets and tokens? From how I live, one would think I'd undertake the soonest opportunity - and indeed that could have occurred a month ago. Was going to do 13 March, then moved it to 27 February, now 06 March. Lord help us.

 

[Darknessallaround]

Does anyone know if the Amitriptyline method will work if you can't get hold of anti emetics or benzo's? Like if you take 6-8g of Amitriptyline.
What could be the health consequences of failing to die in this way?

 

[speck]

I feel similarly - the issue is finding a convenient time and doing a few last tasks. But I keep delaying those and finding a different time to go. Why do I procrastinate so when every day I awaken to find I've unfortunately not died in my sleep I spend complaining and flailing around trying to fill the empty time with meaningless trinkets and tokens? From how I live, one would think I'd undertake the soonest opportunity - and indeed that could have occurred a month ago. Was going to do 13 March, then moved it to 27 February, now 06 March. Lord help us.

I feel this deeply- and felt it in your other posts as well. The logistics involved in planning something like this are ever shifting and growing. Especially when you're factoring what ifs and plan bs.