Venting My vehicle will be the death of me.

[ThatStateOfMind]

My life has significantly hit a bump tonight. I'm suicidal for a multitude of reasons and my car is usually on the list but it's moved up the list tonight.

I was trying to get back to the town of my apartment because I have classes tomorrow and I spent some time with family on Easter (it was pretty miserable tbh). All of the sudden, on my way home, my car starts misfiring like crazy. I call my uncle who is very mechanically apt when it comes to cars. He thinks it could be one of 3 things, one really cheap and easy, the other two, really fucking hard and expensive, mainly because my car is niche (the make is common, model is obscure). Tomorrow, he's coming over bright and early to help me figure it out.

It's the literal worst night it could happen. I was taking my cat home. My professor literally just now informed me we have a quiz that I'm missing tomorrow, which means I'll have to take it in front of him, I have really bad test anxiety. God this just made everything 10x worse as I type this. I wanna vomit just thinking about everything right now. Plus he's out of town for the rest of the week after tomorrow, meaning if I don't take it tomorrow, idk when I'll get to take it. Which I mean, I guess more study time but also more time to forget.

So we don't even know if we can fix my car tomorrow either too, which is just wonderful. To top it all off, I'm staying with my mom and her insufferable boyfriend. My cat (pictured in the photo below) is the only thing keeping me somewhat sane right now.

Wish me luck I guess, I feel so fucked, and I just want to be gone right now.

 

[Pluto]

 

[EmptyBottle]

I'm wondering, can any of your parents take u to uni?

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I have a general update.

I bought a new car (reluctantly and I feel sick right now just thinking about it). It took most of my savings and now I'm scared because I don't have an income right now and no place will likely hire me since I have an internship in 1.5 months so finding something in the interrim between now and then will be tough. I had to spend 10k. The upside is it seems like a great car and it has AC (I'm in the southeastern US and it's super hot) which helps me a lot. It's a Honda Civic, rebuilt title but it seems alright. I didn't notice any glaring problems, and it's doing good so far.

I still want to vomit because I literally spent almost all of my savings which I'm living on right now, and I'll have to tighten the belt in terms of expenses. I have enough to go on and such for a month and a half, but it's still going to be much tougher. At least I don't have to worry about my old car now.

I do want to also say this has been extremely hard because of the fact that I've had this car since I was 15 (I'm 22 now) and it hurts my heart genuinely to give up my car. All good things must come to an end though I guess. I think I'm gonna go eat dinner, lie down, and have a good cry

This is probably what I looked like zip tying things last night to try and make my car work.

I'm wondering, can any of your parents take u to uni?

No, their car is also having issues and they live 45 minutes away.

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

When you are settled and secure you will look back on this temporary young crunch period with pride and amazement

 

[Harrier]

I'm wondering, can any of your parents take u to uni?

I thought about a bus, train, or even flight if it is that far.

But OP already bought a car.

I know that you are feeling down now, and just took a financial hit.

Try to hang in there now if for no other reason but your cat.
And, I just read your second post in entirety.

I know how difficult it is to lose a car that you have driven for a long time.

There is an emotional attachment to a car that cannot be appreciated by anyone who has not been behind the wheel for miles.

I have to give up my car next week (it is the best option).

Also recently lost my cat.

Both the car and cat were old, but my reasons for being upset about both have secondary reasons beyond both being gone.

Particularly, the secondary reason around my cat is what led to my latest suicide ideation and near attempts.

But, I have felt like this for years.

I guess that I am saying that triggers are painful, but time can make temporary pain subside.

What normies don't get about us is that there is an undercurrent of pain which is always present, and that is what causes some of us to ctb.

Be well, and I hope that you find peace.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

When you are settled and secure you will look back on this temporary young crunch period with pride and amazement

I hope so. If I can get a return offer at my internship, I think then I will finally feel financial relief, because there's a light at the end.

I thought about a bus, train, or even flight if it is that far.

But OP already bought a car.

I know that you are feeling down now, and just took a financial hit.

Try to hang in there now if for no other reason but your cat.
And, I just read your second post in entirety.

I know how difficult it is to lose a car that you have driven for a long time.

There is an emotional attachment to a car that cannot be appreciated by anyone who has not been behind the wheel for miles.

I have to give up my car next week (it is the best option).

Also recently lost my cat.

Both the car and cat were old, but my reasons for being upset about both have secondary reasons beyond both being gone.

Particularly, the secondary reason around my cat is what led to my latest suicide ideation and near attempts.

But, I have felt like this for years.

I guess that I am saying that triggers are painful, but time can make temporary pain subside.

What normies don't get about us is that there is an undercurrent of pain which is always present, and that is what causes some of us to ctb.

Be well, and I hope that you find peace.

Thank you for your post. I'm very sorry for the loss of your cat and your car. I'm sure you understand somewhat how I feel, that loss can't really be explained in words. To many, it's just a car but to me, that was my first car. I took it on my first out of town trips, drove my first girlfriend around in it, all of those fun things you experience in your youth so it hurt to lose. Almost as much as losing my ex honestly.

I hope as time passes I can accept this and heal, but the finances surrounding it certainly sting. I wish you peace as well.

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

I hope so. If I can get a return offer at my internship, I think then I will finally feel financial relief, because there's a light at the end.

I think optimism about that is very much in order. You are smart, hard-working, and good at problem-solving. When it comes to the outcome you want of receiving an offer focus on everything under your direct control.

 

[stay_gold]

adorable kitty :3

hopefully the civic will be a trusty steed :p also RIP to the old beast, sounds like you really appreciate your vehicles <3

 

[Harrier]

I hope so. If I can get a return offer at my internship, I think then I will finally feel financial relief, because there's a light at the end.


Thank you for your post. I'm very sorry for the loss of your cat and your car. I'm sure you understand somewhat how I feel, that loss can't really be explained in words. To many, it's just a car but to me, that was my first car. I took it on my first out of town trips, drove my first girlfriend around in it, all of those fun things you experience in your youth so it hurt to lose. Almost as much as losing my ex honestly.

I hope as time passes I can accept this and heal, but the finances surrounding it certainly sting. I wish you peace as well.

Yes, it was my first car too.

If you are a cat person, you will always love them, and miss them when they go away.

Thank you for your empathy and sympathy.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I think optimism about that is very much in order. You are smart, hard-working, and good at problem-solving. When it comes to the outcome you want of receiving an offer focus on everything under your direct control.

Honestly thank you. You've given me some of the best and most grounding advice I've ever received here. I intend to channel my full focus and energy into this internship, with the goal of maximizing both my growth and my chances of securing a return offer. Im also planning on muting notifications from my ex-girlfriend so she has no chance to derail me. She called me at 3AM drunk the other night, I missed the call because I was asleep.

adorable kitty :3

hopefully the civic will be a trusty steed :p also RIP to the old beast, sounds like you really appreciate your vehicles <3

Thank you! She's definitely an anchor for me, and has helped me through the roughest periods of my life.

I hope the Civic holds out. So far, so good, I'm starting to appreciate it the more I drive it. I truly do appreciate my vehicles. The first one just holds so much sentimental value to me as it was what got me through high school, and I always think back on the many, many trips I took to a very specific town with my ex in that vehicle. Not just because of my ex, but also due to the nostalgia I associate with that town. Anyways, yeah, I definitely appreciate the cars and I'm hoping I can build some good memories and look back fondly on the Civic :)

Yes, it was my first car too.

If you are a cat person, you will always love them, and miss them when they go away.

Thank you for your empathy and sympathy.

Yeah, I'm sorry, I guess I can truly empathize with you.

I wouldn't have called myself a cat person before 2023, but it all changed once I got a cat. I have been a cat person ever since.

No problem, thank you for the empathy as well, I truly appreciate it.

 

[meddle]

what a nice feline do you have! whats his/hers name?