Venting My Today

[ixkitty]

My today was full of fake smiles and fake laughter. I cried so much in the silence of myself. I cried so hard at the failures and expectations I feel I have to fulfill. It makes absolutely no sense. I cried for at least an hour after work. I want to just drink and end it all ... but what if I can't end it because I'm too weak to use a damn gun... I hate myself so much beyond reason. I just want to die.. I don't care how.. but I need help .. yet I'm not rich enough to hire someone.. I hate it so much that I can't stand it.

I can't stand being so weak I can't even fucking die. I want to pray for strength.. strength to pull the trigger, to swallow the drugs, to jump ... anything.. I just want to end it all and not hurt anymore.. km tired of crying every other night at mu failures.. I'm tired of pretending its okay.. I'm tired .. of existing...
April Fucking Fools to me.. my life is the gods cruel joke

 

[Umbreon]

I'm tired too. We can do it.

 

[ixkitty]

I'm tired too. We can do it.

I just wan to do it so bad o feel like a fool. Crying and beating myself because I'm so fucming stupid
I'm mentally broken and I hate myself so ficming much!

 

[LifeQuitter2018]

Same here bro.

The neurotic opts out of life because he is having trouble maintaining his illusions about it, which proves nothing less than that life is possible only with illusions.

Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death

 

[whywere]

HI @ixkitty. 1st, you are NOT, NOTa fool or anything of the sort. 2nd Again you are NOT, NOT stupid ever. 3rd You are a BEAUTIFUL and BRIGHT global family member. I am 65 years young and I am NOT smart BUT I do have alot of life experience and I have been down in the dumps ALOT in my life and even now and I have our global family here to help me through it and feel better about myself. You are a loving and caring soul with a bright future, it is just now that it seems like a HUGE mountain ahead of you. I have been there starting back in the 1960's, yep I am old. That is why my heart breaks for you alot BUT I also know that WE, yes, WE can get through this TOGETHER. Hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder. In closing I say all of this 100% from the heart and from past experiences that I NEED you and your global family here needs you and your wisdome. Please feel free to pm me if you want to. I am not on 100% of the time, BUT I will respond to you the 1st thing when I log onto here. Walter (yes Walter is my real first name, I am 65, gray hair and all and I hope I can help)

 

[ixkitty]

HI @ixkitty. 1st, you are NOT, NOTa fool or anything of the sort. 2nd Again you are NOT, NOT stupid ever. 3rd You are a BEAUTIFUL and BRIGHT global family member. I am 65 years young and I am NOT smart BUT I do have alot of life experience and I have been down in the dumps ALOT in my life and even now and I have our global family here to help me through it and feel better about myself. You are a loving and caring soul with a bright future, it is just now that it seems like a HUGE mountain ahead of you. I have been there starting back in the 1960's, yep I am old. That is why my heart breaks for you alot BUT I also know that WE, yes, WE can get through this TOGETHER. Hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder. In closing I say all of this 100% from the heart and from past experiences that I NEED you and your global family here needs you and your wisdome. Please feel free to pm me if you want to. I am not on 100% of the time, BUT I will respond to you the 1st thing when I log onto here. Walter (yes Walter is my real first name, I am 65, gray hair and all and I hope I can help)

You're a sweetheart. Thank you

 

[whywere]

You're a sweetheart. Thank youI

THANK YOU @ixkitty for the warm response, I am so grateful having you as a global family member. You, YES you are also a sweetheart and you have so much love, caring and kindness that you helped to make my early Saturday morning, I am in the Midwest of the U.S.. I too was down today because of chronic pain BUT..BUT having family like you here makes all the difference too me. My wish for you this weekend is a sunny day with your favorite food and your global family here! I am sending you all my love, caring and SUPPORT. Walter