My story

[Nightwillalwayswin]

Hello All,

My hope is that in a matter of days/weeks I will be posting a goodbye thread and have some of you with me as I leave, so wanted to introduce myself.

I have been a lurker on and off for years, more intensely the past few months. I think I am going with the SN method thanks to all the info on here. I don't have the conventionally recommended items but hoping my makeshift assortment will be enough (SN, propanalol, painkillers, mirtazapine, regular anti-emetic, Rennie antacids- please someone shout if they think I would be in for a horrific time!)

I have had numerous past attempts. Numerous.Three hospitalisations for 1 x abrus precatorius ingestion (2013) 2 x mono ethylene glycol ingestion (2017 & 2019).

I, like many of you I am sure, am the sort of person you would see and have no idea I dream of suicide but I really suffer.

I am hesitant 1) because I am terrified of dying. Not terrified of being dead but of the dying part 2) I find it surreal to envisage the pain I will leave my mum in. She adores me. She would never be happy again if she could never see or speak to me again.

Anyway, that's me.

 

[Depressed_7]

Sorry to hear that you are suffering,
wish you nothing but peace

 

[Arrow]

so sorry for the pain you have been through. the lives we many are subjected to use and abuse us, until we are left with few other escapes. some want to keep going, but some just want to catch the bus. whichever way you go, i wish the best for you, pal. i won't lie, i hate seeing people go, but you don't deserve to be in pain. so, i will put my fear aside. whoever you are, i love you, and everyone here loves you too buddy.