Water-Lily
Enlightened
- Dec 26, 2020
- 1,203
Chapter 2: The Fall of Impulsivity
Immediately, with a horrible headache and tears streaming down my face, I decide to start packing. Since I am going to die, I really don't need much. A metro card, clothes, my phone, and that's really it. As I change quickly and grab my phone and card I stop in my tracks. I always told myself that, if I were to commit suicide, I would leave behind a suicide note. Meant to act as revenge against those who pushed me to this level. However, I know if I do that now it would only make things worse. All I can do is hope that my suicide reaches those who hurt me and maybe, just maybe, they might give a shit. Or not.
I open my bedroom door slowly. I listen closely. The arguing seems to have stopped. As I solely tip toe my way out, I see my father's body on the ground. Asleep on his futon. Sighing some relief, I carefully walk towards the door. However, my footing makes a creaking noise on the ground. As my heart drops a tired voice utters "Mary…is that you?". My father is awake. How the hell do I deal with this situation? "Mary, what are you doing? Where are you going?" Shit shit shit! What the fuck do I do now?! If I stay, I am forced to answer but if I go it'll make everything worse. My flight response kicks in and I rush for the door. In my heightened state I fumble to open the door. But after a few seconds I unlock the door and make my way out. I start running down the hallway and eventually down the stairs. It is only when I get outside that I take time to breathe. At this moment there really is no turning back. Suicide is my only option
Immediately, with a horrible headache and tears streaming down my face, I decide to start packing. Since I am going to die, I really don't need much. A metro card, clothes, my phone, and that's really it. As I change quickly and grab my phone and card I stop in my tracks. I always told myself that, if I were to commit suicide, I would leave behind a suicide note. Meant to act as revenge against those who pushed me to this level. However, I know if I do that now it would only make things worse. All I can do is hope that my suicide reaches those who hurt me and maybe, just maybe, they might give a shit. Or not.
I open my bedroom door slowly. I listen closely. The arguing seems to have stopped. As I solely tip toe my way out, I see my father's body on the ground. Asleep on his futon. Sighing some relief, I carefully walk towards the door. However, my footing makes a creaking noise on the ground. As my heart drops a tired voice utters "Mary…is that you?". My father is awake. How the hell do I deal with this situation? "Mary, what are you doing? Where are you going?" Shit shit shit! What the fuck do I do now?! If I stay, I am forced to answer but if I go it'll make everything worse. My flight response kicks in and I rush for the door. In my heightened state I fumble to open the door. But after a few seconds I unlock the door and make my way out. I start running down the hallway and eventually down the stairs. It is only when I get outside that I take time to breathe. At this moment there really is no turning back. Suicide is my only option
