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Apricity

Apricity

Wizard
Jul 27, 2021
642
My sister's birthday is today. I have to wait to try again. My father died on her birthday 9 years ago, just imagine if I CTB on the same day. I feel slightly resentful, although I'm not sure if I'm willing to try nitrogen again. I'm having trouble buying Bitcoin for N, plus I'm nervous about customs because of my felony. Maybe SN? I don't have meto though.
 
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Eddypaddy

Student
Oct 28, 2021
133
I would love to get SN but i cant find any source in germany...
 
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Someone123

Illuminated
Oct 19, 2021
3,874
My sister's birthday is today. I have to wait to try again. My father died on her birthday 9 years ago, just imagine if I CTB on the same day. I feel slightly resentful, although I'm not sure if I'm willing to try nitrogen again. I'm having trouble buying Bitcoin for N, plus I'm nervous about customs because of my felony. Maybe SN? I don't have meto though.
I know how you feel- due to various factors related to other people it is nearly four weeks before I have another window to try- every day is hard, worse than having cancer I would bet anything. I feel like crying all day, I have nausea and headaches all day, heartburn, etc- and you can't tell any of this by looking at me, unless maybe a person is very insightful about depression- a person who has had a lot of serious depression might see some signs. Every day is horrible, and I'm stuck here for three and a half weeks minimum. I'd rather be burned alive than go through this, at least it wouldn't last as long- but I won't use that method because if it fails then your life is a million times worse. If I knew it would work I would do it. The sad thing is if I knew in my 20s what I know know my life would have turned out very well. That's why I do think people under 30, or even under 40, should make more effort than someone older to turn things around, because you really may have more opportunities to turn things around.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
48,628
I find birthdays to be very unpleasant in general. I understand why you would feel a need to wait. I wish you the best with your plans and I hope you find peace.
 
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