My psychologist made me mad today

[noname223]

My psychologist thinks everything I do is a self-fullfiling prophecy. I am just very mad atm. I have to lie to him in various ways. I need a report of him about my working ability so that I get further support in job coaching to simplify it. I am a mess at work, I was horrible but I cannot insist on that because otherwise the job center would give up on me and I don't want that.
Furthermore I cannot tell him the truth about my suicidality. I've done that with my last psychologist and soon after that she has given up on me. I am planning to ctb when poverty/ severe depression with psychosomatic pain hits. I cannot really say that to him.

But now he insists that everything is just caused due to the wrong perspective. Working made me very ill the last 4 times I tried it. I won't survive another breakdown. I am not sure if I shall tell the truth to him. His talking about I can achieve everything I want as long as I am determined to do so fucks me up so hard. Lmao.
This gives me the feeling of guilt because he acts like I could change anything by my behaviour. However that's simply not true. Last time I was at work. It made me so terribly depressed and I could change nothing. No coping skill ever helped. I tried a lot.

Damn I don't know if I shall drop the bomb about my suicidality the next time. This pisses me so off. I just need this report for the job center. This is such a dilemma.

I become more and more sceptical about therapists. My last therapist told me she cannot see any problems in my life and does not understand why I am here. Then I talked openly about my suicidality and soon after that she had given up on me. I am hesitant to tell the full truth. I imagine nothing good would happen. Don't know what I will do - I will let my gut decide.

 

[blue_muse]

You know your limits and it sounds like the psychologist is trying to dismiss your experiences by labeling you. You tried working 4 times and just about survived to tell the story. I'd advise against mentioning your suicidal tendencies, because the psychologist isn't creating an ideal environment for you to be able to open up.

 

[WornOutLife]

The same happened to me.
My therapist never undertood the way I felt and I had to lie for 6 months so as to get my freedom back.

I wish I could be honest with them but it tends not to work.

 

[voyager]

Tbh, I wouldn't say anything. Doubt someone who sees things so superficially is able to cope with said issue. Otoh, he might just be so terrified he'd declare you unfit for work. There are of course also other mental issues which could lead to a work suspension or better environment (phobias, anxiety etc.). It's absurd forcing you into work atm anyway.