Venting My Partner Left Me

[ixkitty]

My partner of 5 years left me this month. We agreed to be honest with our feelings and embrace them. He left without even saying goodbye. I would have went with him. The fact that he left doesn't bother me as much as the fact I'm left alone and he didn't let me go with him..

 

[RealHumanBean]

when you say he left do you mean he ctb? Or just packed up his shit and rolled on out of your life?

 

[BehindTheWall]

when you say he left do you mean he ctb? Or just packed up his shit and rolled on out of your life?

I think he CTB.

 

[LosinIt20]

Did he ctb ? And if so, how?

 

[ixkitty]

when you say he left do you mean he ctb? Or just packed up his shit and rolled on out of your life?

He CTB.

Did he ctb ? And if so, how?

He used a gun.

 

[BehindTheWall]

He CTB.

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I'm so sorry to hear this @ixkitty. My thoughts go out to you. Do you have support in your life during this difficult time?

You mentioned that you would have gone with him. Are you still feeling a desire to join him or do you want to stay? Whatever your feelings, we will do our best to support you here.

 

[ixkitty]

I'm so sorry to hear this @ixkitty. My thoughts go out to you. Do you have support in your life during this difficult time?

You mentioned that you would have gone with him. Are you still feeling a desire to join him or do you want to stay? Whatever your feelings, we will do our best to support you here.

I kind of do, but everyone else has already continued with their life.
Yes I have wanted to leave since I was 12.. He know I wanted to leave. Despite the occasional good thing happening, 50 million more bad things would follow and reaffirm my desire. It hurts because I've tried a lot, and failed.. he tried once, and succeeded. Now I feel even more weak and useless than ever.

 

[Morphosis]

He CTB.

He used a gun.

OMG how traumatic for you. This just happened this month? You're likely still in a certain degree of shock, that's still extremely recent and raw. Hopefully you can find support here, this forum is pretty amazing at times for supporting each other.

 

[ixkitty]

OMG how traumatic for you. This just happened this month? You're likely still in a certain degree of shock, that's still extremely recent and raw. Hopefully you can find support here, this forum is pretty amazing at times for supporting each other.

I appreciate it. I have had dreams of how it possibly happened and each time it just makes me sad all over again. He shouldn't have been the one alone. He should have had a better support group. He wasn't actively suicidal until recently because I stayed with him. One of the sweetest guys, literally has given a homeless man the shirt off his back and money out of his wallet, had to be alone in the last day. He didn't even say goodbye. No letter, no call, no nothing. We made a promise years ago to wait for one another.. and he left.. so Now I keep telling him to wait for me. I can't fail anymore. I just can't

 

[ocd is bad]

I'm sorry, that's an awful thing for you to go through. He sounds like a good dude too. Maybe he did it alone because he didn't want to feel like he was pressuring you into killing yourself with him?

 

[ixkitty]

I'm sorry, that's an awful thing for you to go through. He sounds like a good dude too. Maybe he did it alone because he didn't want to feel like he was pressuring you into killing yourself with him?

maybe... just maybe.. I"m gonna have to have words with him in the afterlife..

 

[Fedrea]

My partner of 5 years left me this month. We agreed to be honest with our feelings and embrace them. He left without even saying goodbye. I would have went with him. The fact that he left doesn't bother me as much as the fact I'm left alone and he didn't let me go with him..

I'm so sorry to hear this

 

[fat feet]

I kind of do, but everyone else has already continued with their life.
Yes I have wanted to leave since I was 12.. He know I wanted to leave. Despite the occasional good thing happening, 50 million more bad things would follow and reaffirm my desire. It hurts because I've tried a lot, and failed.. he tried once, and succeeded. Now I feel even more weak and useless than ever.

You are not weak and useless. You supported him until his end, that took an immense of energy and effort. Think about that please.

 

[Ghost2211]

I can only imagine the void this has left you. I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[Yang]

Your BF is so understanding that he chose to do it alone. It's so difficult to encourage ur love one to die together. It's personal decision. Understand ur losses but since that is what he wanted so long and succeed. Maybe you should view it in a different perspective that he is happier now hence you try to be happy for him.
Easier to say rather than done but this he what he chosen and ought to respect his decision.

 

[sadghost]

I am genuinely so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you this is definitely a very traumatic experience, please try to take care of yourself through this. I hope you know that we as a community are here for you and care for you. You are always welcome here for support!

 

[Sinai Silence]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know words wont help you much in this time but we're all here for you if you need to talk.

 

[alexit]

I'm sorry, that's an awful thing for you to go through. He sounds like a good dude too. Maybe he did it alone because he didn't want to feel like he was pressuring you into killing yourself with him?

That sounds right to me. Maybe he didn't know what to say, how to say it. I imagine his decision not to say goodbye was something he wrestled with and decided upon because he didn't know how to say it best. Maybe he thought he was protecting you or didn't want to mess things up. From what I've read I don't think his intention was to hurt you. I'm sorry for your pain.

 

[Melchoir]

Sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you must be feeling atm

 

[Nymph]

Sorry to hear that

 

[snowflakebreeze]

Hey honey.
Throughout my day I tried to come up with some words to express my deepest sympathy for you. But I know first-hand that words won't heal your broken heart, or even comfort you at this point.
Your post just reminds me so much of my own past. About 1,5 years ago, my boyfriend of 5 years catched the bus, too. Leaving me all alone. The first year was hell. Crying my eyes out every night. The second year is different. A mix of emptiness, numbness and sadness.
So, just know that I feel you. If you ever feel like texting, I'm here for you.