youwantitdarker
Member
- Feb 18, 2023
- 55
I think my parents started it all.
I remember, as a little kid, just a little child, thinking that the only reason my parents had me was to blow their anger at someone. I can't have been more than 5-6 years old, I don't have many memories from my childhood, but this one is so bright, because it never left.
Anyway, my parents never believed in me. I was always compared to other kids, with better grades, more friends, better hobbies, achievements, etc. I think you can imagine what that did to my self esteem. Well, I never really developed one.
Every single thing I did, I did so that I can please my mother and father. I never managed to develop any personlity or opinions on my own. I remember, I was particularly not able to think about myself when it came to clothes and food, so my mother just did everything for me, because, in her words, I am "too retarded to even do this simple thing". She calls me retarded, autistic and moronic (but I don't have autism, she just uses it as an offense). My father is also a cold and distand man.
But, ultimately, no matter what I did, it was never enough. I tried to mold and shape myself into the perfect kid, but the problem is their standars are insane. It's never enough.
That's why I cannot be confident in my skills whatsoever. How can I be, when the only thing I've heard all my life, since a little kid, was how much of a disappointment I am?
I remember, as a little kid, just a little child, thinking that the only reason my parents had me was to blow their anger at someone. I can't have been more than 5-6 years old, I don't have many memories from my childhood, but this one is so bright, because it never left.
Anyway, my parents never believed in me. I was always compared to other kids, with better grades, more friends, better hobbies, achievements, etc. I think you can imagine what that did to my self esteem. Well, I never really developed one.
Every single thing I did, I did so that I can please my mother and father. I never managed to develop any personlity or opinions on my own. I remember, I was particularly not able to think about myself when it came to clothes and food, so my mother just did everything for me, because, in her words, I am "too retarded to even do this simple thing". She calls me retarded, autistic and moronic (but I don't have autism, she just uses it as an offense). My father is also a cold and distand man.
But, ultimately, no matter what I did, it was never enough. I tried to mold and shape myself into the perfect kid, but the problem is their standars are insane. It's never enough.
That's why I cannot be confident in my skills whatsoever. How can I be, when the only thing I've heard all my life, since a little kid, was how much of a disappointment I am?
