Rivotrial
Member
- Jun 10, 2019
- 38
This is my failed attempt I wanna share with you
3 years ago I got a call from my cousin. She told me that she knowed what I did with my other cousin entire years. She wasn't blaming me, but it didn't help eather. My modesty and guilt was that huge that I started my first impulsive attempt which I want to share with ya
I started with booze + some 1mg Xanax + 200mg Phenobarbital. Mentally I was still relatively clear and can remember everything. This feeling of freedom and ease was indescribable. Next I swallowed everything I had : 50mg Xanax and 4g Luminal (40x100mg).
After that, I immediately lay down, pulled the pillow over my head. It felt like I was floating, as if he were in disarray. Then nothing....
I woke up after 3 days in coma on the intensive care unit. Since I was found 24 hours after consumption, my muscles were already attacked by prolonged lying (and from Luminal itself). The pain from the muscle wasting was indescribable. To talk to me, the doctors have awakened me again and again with flumazenil (a benzodiazepine antagonist, which seems to be partially able to abrogate effects caused by Barbiturates – why tf they didn't use Bemegride???). When I had longer periods of waking, the nurses shouted at me: " Nothing but trouble with you scum! You are such experts, are yuh ? " After the lab values arrived (catastrophic kidney values, due to muscle wasting and exposure to phenobarbital) and they realized that something could happen, they acted: I got Dipidolor i.v cuz I was screaming and crying like a madman. Later I was transfarred to the addiction station because the doc's couldn't imagine that someone could survive this without being addicted. I have denied any suicidal intent to get out as soon as possible (1 week).
I should have waited to add an opioid or at least to make sure not to be found. But It was an impulsive act and the suffering that I experienced there makes it unable for me to try it again. Now I am planning hanging combined with anesthetics
That's it
3 years ago I got a call from my cousin. She told me that she knowed what I did with my other cousin entire years. She wasn't blaming me, but it didn't help eather. My modesty and guilt was that huge that I started my first impulsive attempt which I want to share with ya
I started with booze + some 1mg Xanax + 200mg Phenobarbital. Mentally I was still relatively clear and can remember everything. This feeling of freedom and ease was indescribable. Next I swallowed everything I had : 50mg Xanax and 4g Luminal (40x100mg).
After that, I immediately lay down, pulled the pillow over my head. It felt like I was floating, as if he were in disarray. Then nothing....
I woke up after 3 days in coma on the intensive care unit. Since I was found 24 hours after consumption, my muscles were already attacked by prolonged lying (and from Luminal itself). The pain from the muscle wasting was indescribable. To talk to me, the doctors have awakened me again and again with flumazenil (a benzodiazepine antagonist, which seems to be partially able to abrogate effects caused by Barbiturates – why tf they didn't use Bemegride???). When I had longer periods of waking, the nurses shouted at me: " Nothing but trouble with you scum! You are such experts, are yuh ? " After the lab values arrived (catastrophic kidney values, due to muscle wasting and exposure to phenobarbital) and they realized that something could happen, they acted: I got Dipidolor i.v cuz I was screaming and crying like a madman. Later I was transfarred to the addiction station because the doc's couldn't imagine that someone could survive this without being addicted. I have denied any suicidal intent to get out as soon as possible (1 week).
I should have waited to add an opioid or at least to make sure not to be found. But It was an impulsive act and the suffering that I experienced there makes it unable for me to try it again. Now I am planning hanging combined with anesthetics
That's it
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