My mom makes jokes about my abuse

[noname223]

My relationship to my mother is very paradoxical. I am really dependent on her because i am quite ill and everything failed in the last years. I confronted her that she abused me physically for 13 years. She has a guilty conscience. But represses it strongly.
However when i blame her she makes joke with her husband that everyone always blames her. Like 10 minutes ago. I left instantly the room. Nevertheless when i suffer she will suffer too. If I end up in poverty she will have to pay for me till i die (i know that). If I commit suicide she will suffer even more. If my life gets way better i will reduce the contact drastically. (The last option is very unlikely. Sadly)
When she first made these jokes i was way more angry, now I was just happy to leave the room.

 

[Symbiote]

Feels like the people that are obligated to care for us and nurture us, tends to be the ones who hurt us the most.

My mom would joke all the time about my abuse or invalidate/minimize/discard. She always told me that my sexual trauma was my fault or it didn't hurt that bad since you enjoyed it, or whatever she tried to make me feel like a piece of shit. She didn't believe in apologies or forgiveness so I got none of them. It later made me take responsibility for them and that fucked me up even more.

 

[watchingthewheels]

My relationship to my mother is very paradoxical. I am really dependent on her because i am quite ill and everything failed in the last years. I confronted her that she abused me physically for 13 years. She has a guilty conscience. But represses it strongly.
However when i blame her she makes joke with her husband that everyone always blames her. Like 10 minutes ago. I left instantly the room. Nevertheless when i suffer she will suffer too. If I end up in poverty she will have to pay for me till i die (i know that). If I commit suicide she will suffer even more. If my life gets way better i will reduce the contact drastically. (The last option is very unlikely. Sadly)
When she first made these jokes i was way more angry, now I was just happy to leave the room.

Red flags going up, here...my own mother did this to me, avoided responsibility, blamed everyone else, fake apologies like "I'm sorry, but what do you want me to do about it, now?", "why are you persecuting ME?" etc. Next thing you know, YOU'RE apologizing to THEM for THEIR shitty behavior. People who do that have a way of turning it around to make YOU the bad guy for their actions, causing you to take the blame FOR them. I forgave her once, out of naivete, but "no good deed goes unpunished". But learned that she is a malignant narcissist who will never apologize and never take responsibility. Not saying your mother is, not knowing the full situation, but just that kind of behavior and attitude is a red flag, so be careful, and don't accept unearned guilt.

 

[noname223]

I think we both end up in old-age poverty. Probably my dad too. However i am not 100% sure whether he will pay much. But till then i will be either dead or tried to kill me. If my dad does not pay i will break up contact. My family is full of shit. My sister has the attitude do not confront them with their mistakes. She wants an apology and hopes if they think a lot about the past they will learn it by themselves. Guess what my parents don't give a shit. And try to repress bad feelings as good as possible.

 

[watchingthewheels]

I think we both end up in old-age poverty. Probably my dad too. However i am not 100% sure whether he will pay much. But till then i will be either dead or tried to kill me. If my dad does not pay i will break up contact. My family is full of shit. My sister has the attitude do not confront them with their mistakes. She wants an apology and hopes if they think a lot about the past they will learn it by themselves. Guess what my parents don't give a shit. And try to repress bad feelings as good as possible.

Sorry to hear, but that's the sad truth, sometimes, that parents don't give a shit. I learned the hard way. It was the opposite with my me and my sister; she wanted to confront them, and I was the one hoping to change them for the better. That was before I learned the full truth.