My mind is like a highway of conflicting thoughts

[Busticket]

This has been my mind in the last few years:
"ctb"
"don't ctb"
"live to a 100, show those who have wronged you, bury them all"
"ctb before 30"
"don't ctb because you can't find a gf, your life is more important than any girl"
"life is meaningless without a gf, if you can't find one you might as well ctb"
"don't die before your parents"

 

[deathisnear]

I also have a highway of conflicting thoughts and have had my whole life - it's what's kept me here. Lately I've been able to channel my thoughts better to block all that out and focus on ctb which I am going to do by the end of the year at the latest. But the constant confliction is so hard to deal with, I understand.

 

[FuneralCry]

It can be very exhausting to deal with. Our own thoughts can torture us. In the past I have had conflicting thoughts but my mind now is mostly just thinking about death. I know it is my fate to ctb and in a way I have accepted that.