My life is so shit

[JipJopMop]

I hate my life. I find existing painful.

I have been depressed all my life and I'm 28 now.

I first wanted to ctb when I was 13.

My life has been nothing but failures, crap and disappointment.

Even just getting through the day is difficult.

I was bullied all throughout school.

My school fed the false lies that people who do well in school do well in life.

That is just complete bullshit.

I wish I had messed around more in school and answered back to teachers as my qualifications have never done shit for my life.

I even went to uni but still my life fell apart after graduating and I also developed OCD while I was at uni so that was another shitshow.

Since graduating my life has been failure and disappointment.

I've never coped well in any of my jobs and most have only lasted a few months before I was in awful mental health and badly suicidal.

I am now jobless, living on benefits, mentally ill, physically ill, fat, going bald and with no hope or prospect.

Im gay and have only had one relationship with another man which only lasted three months and after we broke up I found out he was secretly a child sex offender and now he is in jail.

The only person who would date me is an awful criminal.

Other than that I've just been used for sex or passed over for people who are better than me.

I also hate being gay as I'd love to have children, well when I wanted to live I did, and I even am happy to have sex with a woman to make a child but I just don't feel in love with women.

My life is just a big failure, I have diabolical social skills and I have chronic fatigue issues and just getting through the day is difficult.

I want to escape all the pain of my life.

I am not drawn to painful ctb as I want to escape pain, not cause more.

If I do ctb, I would like a painless and easy method

I just hate living and don't want to be here anymore really

 

[TriggerHappy]

hiya,
yeah also have been struggling with monstrously fuck'd up existence: i've hot hardcore self-destructive tendencies and mental self-esteem issues that i will never get over.
just know the world is f%^kn cruel so being ugly to yourself doesn't help (not judging. - i'm there)...
all i can say is you're in the right place /& not alone. xm

 

[timf]

You mentioned hating being gay. There is a blog post that describes this from a Christian perspective. I don't know if you would find it of any interest or help, but you should be warned that it is from a Christian perspective;

Christian Pioneer - Current blog

Christian Pioneer - Answers to questions about Christianity

christianpioneer.com

 

[kovkay]

I think it would help to not think of yourself as a failure. I mean, you definitely hadn't had the best life possible, but qualifying yourself as an overall failure can be destructive.

I'm sure you have had positive experiences in your life, activities you enjoyed, pockets of peace, etc... It would helpful to focus on the stuff that you enjoy, and not concern yourself with success/failure.