Venting my last days

[αmber]

Hello. I haven't talked a lot here in this forum, but I have felt less alone each time I related to a post.

May 20th is the day I chose for my departure, for my one-way ticket trip. It is all set already. I've cried a lot today. It feels like a mix of both relief and sorrow. One friend of mine is coming to visit me tomorrow. It will be our last time together, he knows what is happening on the following day, I told him today. My note is written. It is a short one, just two paragraphs describing life as a metaphor and 7 topics each dedicated to a special person who happened to live moments with me in this existence. I am feeling numb. It is hard to have clear reasonings.

It will be at night. It will be cold and I will not be alone. The trees will be with me. That'd be my last sleep. This is hard to believe...
words are just not enough to express what I feel.

 

[forgotten15]

I feel your pain. I am sorry this cruel life has brought you here.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

just hope he doesn't turn up with the police

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really can be so painful and depressing. I hope that you find relief from your suffering in whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best.

 

[Sunset Limited]

I wish you the best.

 

[Huntfish34]

May you R.I.P. ,. Always and forever -

 

[MementoMori81]

Safe journey beyond

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Hope your journey brings you the peace you seek at last.

 

[September5th]

May you find peace.

 

[Lullaby]

I understand you completely. Wishing the absolute best for you

 

[αmber]

I could not go through with it... I had it all ready and was at the right place. I was too afraid.

 

[Imissyoumydarling]

I could not go through with it... I had it all ready and was at the right place. I was too afraid.

Thank you for coming back and updating us.

Is there anything in particular one of us could say or ask you that would help you feel better?

 

[hopelessdreams]

I could not go through with it... I had it all ready and was at the right place. I was too afraid.

it's okay. welcome back. do you want to explain what you were feeling and what made you choose to stop?

 

[NobodyKnowsMe]

I could not go through with it... I had it all ready and was at the right place. I was too afraid.

SI is real and very hard to overcome.

 

[Sakura94]

I could not go through with it... I had it all ready and was at the right place. I was too afraid.

it's okay, welcome back. do you want to talk more about it?

 

[αmber]

Thank you for coming back and updating us.

Is there anything in particular one of us could say or ask you that would help you feel better?

it's okay, welcome back. do you want to talk more about it?

I felt like I was really close to the portal to the other side. I could see the exit and could feel the relief that would settle in after a while. I felt really dead inside at that moment I was standing there facing the river. I had some anti-depressants and a bottle of vodka and my backpack was really heavy. My plan was to pass out into the river and drown myself.

I can't explain quite well how I felt, today was a really weird day.

it's okay. welcome back. do you want to explain what you were feeling and what made you choose to stop?

While I was there I felt relief. I felt fear when I was about to take action. Then I felt really sad when I thought of what I was about to do to myself.

 

[Imissyoumydarling]

I felt like I was really close to the portal to the other side. I could see the exit and could feel the relief that would settle in after a while. I felt really dead inside at that moment I was standing there facing the river. I had some anti-depressants and a bottle of vodka and my backpack was really heavy. My plan was to pass out into the river and drown myself.

I can't explain quite well how I felt, today was a really weird day.

While I was there I felt relief. I felt fear when I was about to take action. Then I felt really sad when I thought of what I was about to do to myself.

You're here now and you're amongst friends

I'm glad you got to feel that little bit of relief, even if you didn't go through with it. But you know something? That feeling of sadness over doing that to yourself just goes to show you still have love and respect for yourself.

I had a bad night a few days ago where I posted here because I was struggling to not self harm and I needed help even though it was stupid because I'm CTB in a couple weeks. But I desperately wanted to not self harm before suicide out of a lingering respect and wanting to stay strong. I imagine your situation may have been similar.

You may still CTB one day without fear, and that will be a better time than doing it at the moment since there's concern.

But for now you're amongst people who care for you, and we'll be here for whatever you want to say, and no matter what you decide

I'm glad you got to experience that feeling of relief though, even if it was brief. A breath of fresh air.

 

[Sakura94]

I felt like I was really close to the portal to the other side. I could see the exit and could feel the relief that would settle in after a while. I felt really dead inside at that moment I was standing there facing the river. I had some anti-depressants and a bottle of vodka and my backpack was really heavy. My plan was to pass out into the river and drown myself.

I can't explain quite well how I felt, today was a really weird day.

I've considered something similar as a method sometimes. I'd personally want to go to a beach to do it. I read about a girl in the news who did that which put it into my head. It must have been an awful night for you but you're safe now and you didn't do anything to yourself so you don't need to feel sad.
It's probably good to rest for a few days.

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

Good luck and rest in peace.

See you Space Cowboy

 

[hopelessdreams]

I felt like I was really close to the portal to the other side. I could see the exit and could feel the relief that would settle in after a while. I felt really dead inside at that moment I was standing there facing the river. I had some anti-depressants and a bottle of vodka and my backpack was really heavy. My plan was to pass out into the river and drown myself.

I can't explain quite well how I felt, today was a really weird day.

While I was there I felt relief. I felt fear when I was about to take action. Then I felt really sad when I thought of what I was about to do to myself.

i can fully relate to you. i had the exact same method a few weeks ago, but as i was standing there i realized what i was ACTUALLY doing. it stopped me and i walked back. it didn't feel real. but you're here now. i'm glad you decided against it rather then living your last seconds in fear and agony.