Last Caress
You need to relax..
- Dec 25, 2019
- 49
Hello everyone, I'm glad to be here once more. I've been here since a long time and i remember how i tried to ctb back then :)
You see, my life is shit, not even decent I'd say. I had a horrible childhood with a lot of pain and suffering because my parents never cared for me and i had to do everything by myself which definitely left me with trauma.
When I finally started to research ctb methods here, something stopped me. It was my soulmate, my boyfriend. I called him hubby and he liked it. We were happy together. We had many beautiful nights together. Even if corona came, even if I lost my job, home and school, i kept living for him. We decided to keep it a distance relationship until i return to his town. I missed his kisses, his hugs, his smell, his eyes.. so i did everything i could to meet him from times to times. It was wonderful to do it and painful when I had to leave but no regrets.
The inevitable happened: he told me multiple times he can't continue... He is suffering.. he has no more feelings for me...
I tried to put something together but, it didn't work. We broke up.
The only person who kept me alive, now, abandoned me. Hope is gone, i can't continue the journey. I don't blame him, i never will. I love him the most, and with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart, i will never stop loving him, he is the man who showed me what happiness looks like and i enjoyed it!
I ordered SN, got some quetiapine (hope will help me to not throw up) and nebilet ( for racing heart) and gonna ctb in a couple days, meanwhile I'll prepare a future email for my hubby and some well encrypted message for everyone else from my family friends whatsoever, those people.
Thank you for reading my thread and i hope you understand what I am going through, although i can tell you will because in reading messages here daily and it makes me feel comfortable. A goodbye thread will appear the day i will be ctb, i don't want to die alone.
Thank you and sorry for grammar, i can't see (tears).
You see, my life is shit, not even decent I'd say. I had a horrible childhood with a lot of pain and suffering because my parents never cared for me and i had to do everything by myself which definitely left me with trauma.
When I finally started to research ctb methods here, something stopped me. It was my soulmate, my boyfriend. I called him hubby and he liked it. We were happy together. We had many beautiful nights together. Even if corona came, even if I lost my job, home and school, i kept living for him. We decided to keep it a distance relationship until i return to his town. I missed his kisses, his hugs, his smell, his eyes.. so i did everything i could to meet him from times to times. It was wonderful to do it and painful when I had to leave but no regrets.
The inevitable happened: he told me multiple times he can't continue... He is suffering.. he has no more feelings for me...
I tried to put something together but, it didn't work. We broke up.
The only person who kept me alive, now, abandoned me. Hope is gone, i can't continue the journey. I don't blame him, i never will. I love him the most, and with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart, i will never stop loving him, he is the man who showed me what happiness looks like and i enjoyed it!
I ordered SN, got some quetiapine (hope will help me to not throw up) and nebilet ( for racing heart) and gonna ctb in a couple days, meanwhile I'll prepare a future email for my hubby and some well encrypted message for everyone else from my family friends whatsoever, those people.
Thank you for reading my thread and i hope you understand what I am going through, although i can tell you will because in reading messages here daily and it makes me feel comfortable. A goodbye thread will appear the day i will be ctb, i don't want to die alone.
Thank you and sorry for grammar, i can't see (tears).
