TheLastSacrifice
Student
- Feb 14, 2020
- 174
I don't know what to do. I have to work at this job I actually find it rewarding as well but here lately with the restraining order the kick out the wandering the homelessness all of it the fact that I'm 37 years old my job is really getting to me and it's getting inside my head. please forgive bad sentence structure I'm on text to speech my life is very busy I have to constantly be on the go I'm on foot. I don't have time for commas semicolons I don't have time for any of it I just have to talk into this thing. So I work in an alzheimer's unit as a certified nurse's assistant I don't know why I even say the certified part as if I'm so professional....lol. I've been a nurse's aide for four years it's a loser job it's bottom of the barrel we get paid s*** and we go with things that no one wants to. but when I look and I realize that you can struggle your whole life to fight these demons that were all fighting on here and that's how you're going to end up in the end. it makes it seem so pointless. what the hell is the point of hanging onto are pointless little miserable lives just to end up sitting all over ourselves not knowing who we are wandering around with these weird Bazaar expressions on our faces and then and then I'm supposed to I'm supposed to be grateful to God I'm supposed to be humble I say f*** God f*** God. I'm staying in a Christian shelter and these people are taking very good care of me but when they're talking about God and doing their sermons it takes everything in my body to hide in my disdain for this but these are good people at the shelter are there helping people they believe it's God through them and they're doing wonderful things so I dare not say a word. I'm usually very outspoken and blunt whether you like it or not and this time I'm going to keep my mouth shut. But my job it's making me want to die even more it's making me really actually want to commit suicide. I can't fight this battle this this this war against my own evil and other people's evil my whole life my whole life the struggle just to end up like that. I'd rather take my life right now.
