Venting My girlfriend brought to see her mother who died by hanging two years ago

[Breadbfra]

I am the one with the "super treatment resistant" depression. Covid has completely destroyed my hardly earnt mental health, and I've got so much mental pain I'm starting to realize I'm becoming crazy. Before covid I started to date a girl who lost her mother to depression, and I warned her that I was basically a normal human being, except for some therapies I had to do every 4 or 3.5 months. Then covid made me another person so I know what's the pain I'm causing her, all over again, and her mother's depression lasted three years and her death was only two years ago.
She has shared so much with me about her experience, and she asked me, while she was driving, if she could give an hello to her mother, so we drove to the cemetery.
I've been actually very surprised to see her sharing such an intense moment with me, but I'm thinking she did it because she's been observing me reading obsessively books about suicide. Three days ago she believed I was going to kill me because I wanted to sleep in the bathub and I brought myself a pillow. I think she gave a kind of "emotional" warning of what my suicide could potentially do to her and my family.
What do you think?

 

[socrates]

I think it's normal for her to be worried about your CTB. I don't know if the cemetery trip was a subtle way to convince you or not. I can imagine she might carry guilt from her moms suicide and might not want to make the same mistake with you. It's good thing you have someone in your life who cares about you. I hope you feel better soon! The rona has been tough on everyone.

 

[falloutcarter13]

This is such a tough situation, wanting to be with somebody until/if you ctb, but not wanting to hurt them. I have an ex whom I'm still really close with, she just messaged me the other day saying she'd had a bad feeling that I wasn't doing so well and offered to listen if I wanted to talk. She has absolutely no knowledge of my legal situation or my upcoming ctb in the next ~7 weeks. I wanted so badly to talk to her about it, but in the end I decided to just explain in a letter after I'm gone the best I could. I don't want to leave her feeling guilty, like she could have done something. Sooo empathetic to your situation, which is even harder for you I'm sure ((hugs))

 

[Meditation guide]

covid made me another person

Wow sorry to hear this! In what way? As for the girl visiting the cemetery, she might have been letting you know how sad it makes people when someone dies.

 

[Breadbfra]

Wow sorry to hear this! In what way? As for the girl visiting the cemetery, she might have been letting you know how sad it makes people when someone dies.

Unfortunately, I've became obsessed by the currently infected and I check about them everyday. The concept that I can't talk to someone without knowing he may be infected, and so on. I'm an overly sensible person, I have to say, and i get paranoid over a flying bug, so you can imagine what a pandemic can do.

 

[Meditation guide]

The concept that I can't talk to someone without knowing he may be infected, and so on. I'm an overly sensible person, I have to say, and i get paranoid over a flying bug, so you can imagine what a pandemic can do.

Yup same here. It's horrible.

 

[Breadbfra]

Yup same here. It's horrible.

Sending hugs. We will do this.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

It's weird to be in a relationship while feeling suicidal. That's why I chose to stay single. I uninstalled tinder, happn and all those dating apps. The less people know me the better. I don't want anyone to suffer my death.

 

[Breadbfra]

It's weird to be in a relationship while feeling suicidal. That's why I chose to stay single. I uninstalled tinder, happn and all those dating apps. The less people know me the better. I don't want anyone to suffer my death.

Believe me, If I had known in december I could go back to sucidal I would've yeeted myself out of the dating process