my friends all wanted me to die i guess

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its been over a. year and im still a mess its only gotten worse. these three peopel ruined my fucking life and they didnt care at all. you know loneliness is a big reason why your friendn wants to kill themsleves so what do you do? leave them witbout even having a conversation? im that wortheless to people. eveeyone kneos how bad it is but theg dotn care and theydo thjnfs that will make me worse. i wouldnt be having daily panic agatcks and constnatly cutting myself if someoen just fucjing stuck around. i wouldnt be contantly bashing my head in and. having oanic atatcks at work. i just wnted friends and a normal life but these three made it clear that i was nevwr good enough for that.
theyve seen my posts and rveb before this they knew what i was going through. is it exciting to know how much sufferingn youre causing me? my life could be saved if you just fucking said hi or something, but i was never worth even that much effort. i know its unfair to blame others but what else can i fuckign do i keeo trying my best and it gets woree. they all say i was a good friend and they loved me so what the fuck is the point? i domt think id even be capable of being a decent friend anymore im so toxic now. i still dont think ang of them are bad people im just fucking wortheless

taking a bunch of pills now. evwn if i dont die hopefulyl ill at least be put in a coma kr end yp braindead
wish me luck friends