My first serious attempt to ctb

[gr1lledcheese]

Remembering my first time and thinking about what I should do this time.
Obviously there's no way to ctb without affecting your friends and family, but personally I don't like the idea of doing it in someone's home. I'm staying with a friend right now, and there are a few reasons why I don't want to do it here: 1) I don't want her finding me too soon. 2)I don't want her dogs alerting her to what I'm doing. 3) I don't want to do it while I'm dog sitting for her because I don't want to do that to the dogs. 4)this is her home and I don't want what I do to be a reminder to her every day.
That's why both this time, (and the last time) I plan to get a hotel room. I just hope I can work up the nerve to go through with it.
My last time I packed a few things, some favorite books, a stuffed toy. And got a room at a nearby motel. I didn't have health insurance, and so my attempt included OTC sleeping pills, and wine coolers. Needless to say it didn't work, but it did make me hallucinate quite a bit. I became quite disoriented and delusional and the police were called, and I ended up in the mental health section of the local hospital.
Once there I tried to call friends and family but my mind was so messed up I couldn't remember anyone's phone numbers well enough to dial them (this was 20 years ago). The only number I could successfully dial was my ex-husbands. Long story short, we didn't get back together.
I stayed at the hospital for about a week, and afterwards I saw a therapist and took Zoloft for a while. That is until the state laws changed and I could no longer get those things for free. I tried to continue with the RX but it was too expensive so I just stopped.
I think I'll just pack some books this time. I want to pack my iPad but I worry about it being stolen after I die.
This is long. I'll stop now. Thanks for listening.

 

[Crazy4u]

this is not long at all., it is really sad that most insurance plans don't cover mental illness,

I wish you find relief from suffering. Oh and thank you for being an animal lover

 

[DasDasDAS]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. You are a very considerate person, that's nice!
I plan to do it in a hotel too. I know it's not nice for the hotel staff/owners but I figure it's better to see a dead stranger in your workplace than a dead loved one in your house...
It's a shame you can't get the treatment you need apparently that seemed to have helped you...

 

[gr1lledcheese]

this is not long at all., it is really sad that most insurance plans don't cover mental illness,

I wish you find relief from suffering. Oh and thank you for being an animal lover

I like animals more than people.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

I stayed at the hospital for about a week, and afterwards I saw a therapist and took Zoloft for a while. That is until the state laws changed and I could no longer get those things for free. I tried to continue with the RX but it was too expensive so I just stopped.

Did it help when you were taking it?

I like animals more than people.

Ayyyy, you and me both.

 

[gr1lledcheese]

Did it help when you were taking it?

Ayyyy, you and me both.

I guess. It also helped that I'd found a place to live. Don't know if it would've worked as well otherwise.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

I guess. It also helped that I'd found a place to live. Don't know if it would've worked as well otherwise.

YOU SEE!? I have the exact same experience with Prozac. I can't fucking tell if it helped or if it was other factors at the time. Well, anyway, I asked if it helped so if the answer was "No." I could be slightly less disgusted and angry with your state.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine it must be unpleasant going through a failed attempt. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[gr1lledcheese]

I can imagine it must be unpleasant going through a failed attempt. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

Thanks!

YOU SEE!? I have the exact same experience with Prozac. I can't fucking tell if it helped or if it was other factors at the time. Well, anyway, I asked if it helped so if the answer was "No." I could be slightly less disgusted and angry with your state.

For what it's worth, I had some memorable, fantastic dreams while taking Zoloft. One was watching this parade of creatures made from water and foam. The first was a team of horses, I've forgotten the second, but it was slightly less fantastic than the first. The third was a googly eyed Martian in flying saucer. Trippy, fun stuff.
I also remember a dream involving Big Bird and a wedding dress.