NihilisticTendencies
OfPainAndFear
- Sep 17, 2020
- 26
So, I'm just going to jump right in...
This was in early april in 7th grade...
I wake up to my mom and my stepdad fighting. That was typical. Happened almost daily, and it'd be weird if they weren't. I somehow manage to get through the morning without cutting, or having a panic attack, and I got on the bus fine. Well, when I got to school, things were also normal. Getting bullied, and abused relentlessly, and called the usual names you'd expect an outspokenly Bisexual kid to be called in a school so religious, it was almost a church, but not officially "religious", and none of my friends were at school on this particular day, so I had to coast through this shit alone.
I failed 2 different tests on this day as well, so I was at the end of my wits by the time school got out. I was done. One of the people who harrassed me on the bus normally told me to kill myself, so when I got home, I kinda just told myself "Fuck it. No one gives a flying fuck about me anyways. I'm failing school, and my parents don't acknowledge me, so they must not want me either. I'll use the boxcutter downstairs." I let my dogs out, cleaned up the house, and did all my chores for that day. I didn't want to inconvenience anyone. I found the boxcutter, and sat on my bed. I never planned on leaving a note, just so my mom wouldn't constantly be reminded of me by it. I had the boxcutter pressed against my wrist and was literal seconds away from building up enough courage to press in hard and pull down,
When the front fucking door opened. My mom got home an hour early.
This was in early april in 7th grade...
I wake up to my mom and my stepdad fighting. That was typical. Happened almost daily, and it'd be weird if they weren't. I somehow manage to get through the morning without cutting, or having a panic attack, and I got on the bus fine. Well, when I got to school, things were also normal. Getting bullied, and abused relentlessly, and called the usual names you'd expect an outspokenly Bisexual kid to be called in a school so religious, it was almost a church, but not officially "religious", and none of my friends were at school on this particular day, so I had to coast through this shit alone.
I failed 2 different tests on this day as well, so I was at the end of my wits by the time school got out. I was done. One of the people who harrassed me on the bus normally told me to kill myself, so when I got home, I kinda just told myself "Fuck it. No one gives a flying fuck about me anyways. I'm failing school, and my parents don't acknowledge me, so they must not want me either. I'll use the boxcutter downstairs." I let my dogs out, cleaned up the house, and did all my chores for that day. I didn't want to inconvenience anyone. I found the boxcutter, and sat on my bed. I never planned on leaving a note, just so my mom wouldn't constantly be reminded of me by it. I had the boxcutter pressed against my wrist and was literal seconds away from building up enough courage to press in hard and pull down,
When the front fucking door opened. My mom got home an hour early.
