My father died today.

[ForeverLonely82]

I found out last night that they were gonna take my father off the ventilator on Monday and let him pass away because there was nothing more they could do for him. I wasn't told his cause of death but I want to say it was kidney failure because he was on dialysis prior to this happening. My cousins were kind enough to write me on Facebook because no one else would get ahold of me in any way and I wouldn't know that my father was dying if it wasn't for my cousins so I do appreciate them reaching out to me. So I'm having a hard time how to feel about this Because I am sad but the thing is is I've been crying over my wife since November that I have no more tears left to shed But I do feel sad He was my dad but we haven't had the best relationship because he wouldn't pick up the phone. I have always explained to him that the phone works both ways but I shouldn't have to be the one to call him all the time and he would agree but then he would tell somebody else that it's rude for me to feel that way. I always loved my dad but he wasn't the best dad My mom would have to get on his ass about doing stuff with me and my siblings when he would just sit in his chair after work and go to sleep. I can't blame him for feeling that way because my mom was very emotionally abusive towards him and she was also highly narcissistic. She died in 2024 and my wife died last year November and now my father passes away I'm telling you something out there has something in for me Deal these emotional blows. My father was 83 years old so he lived a full life. fought in Vietnam was married to my mother for 35 years, Moved away and got remarried to his high school girlfriend that he once had. She treated him lovely and made him happy for the remainder of his life and they did things together you know oh boy oh boy did that make my mother angry. However that's how funny life can be sometimes I just hope he didn't suffer that much or at all while he was in the hospital waiting for his demise I wish I could at least had someone tell him while he was conscious that I love him but that chance never came. I guess the point I'm trying to make is if you have parents or people you're close to that are by you but you don't seem care about them as much as you should I advise you to call them and talk to them because you never know when they're gonna one day disappear and you'll never talk to them ever again. I live in total isolation I have nobody Both of my parents are dead and my wife is dead I have nothing except this home and my animals and while my animals give the kind of love they can give it's just not the same as getting a hug from somebody that actually gives a damn about you. However it's hard to keep going when you know no one cares Then you have these normies preach about self love and that's all a bunch of bullshit. Anyways that's all I have to say I thought I would share it with you guys I hope all you are doing well and if you haven't talked to your family or friends or parents in a while unless they are complete pieces of shit talk to them because you'll never know when you'll never hear their voices again.

 

[l1ablemistakes]

Fuck. This was heavy. I'm so sorry for the many losses you've experienced. I honestly cannot imagine anything more painful, the fact that you're still here speaks to your strength. Sending virtual hugs and I hope the sun shines again for you soon <3

 

[ForeverLonely82]

Fuck. This was heavy. I'm so sorry for the many losses you've experienced. I honestly cannot imagine anything more painful, the fact that you're still here speaks to your strength. Sending virtual hugs and I hope the sun shines again for you soon <3

I feel like fate has me down on the matt delivering blows with brick filled gloves
.

 

[l1ablemistakes]

I feel like fate has me down on the matt delivering blows with brick filled gloves
.

Fate has certainly not been your friend. I'd feel the same too. Do you wanna talk about your wife? It sounds like you love her dearly. I'd love to hear about her if you want to talk about it. Totally fine if it's too painful to revisit- again, I can only imagine.

 

[ForeverLonely82]

Fate has certainly not been your friend. I'd feel the same too. Do you wanna talk about your wife? It sounds like you love her dearly. I'd love to hear about her if you want to talk about it. Totally fine if it's too painful to revisit- again, I can only imagine.

My wife was my world and my home. Given that I suffer from anxiety and panic disorder, She would always find a way to ground me when I was feeling like I was gonna drop dead. She was a fellow gamer and enjoyed a lot of open world titles on Steam The game she was playing before she passed was Assassin's Creed Odyssey and since I'm a fanatic of Atlantis she got the DLC and played through it so I could watch her do so. My wife was given a rough patch when we met. She had type two diabetes It was on a lot of medication Eventually she lost two of her limbs from it and dealt with infections a lot. A lot of men wouldn't have stayed once the amputations took place because it would be extra work but I love that woman so much that I stayed because I didn't want her to be alone And I still loved her regardless of the amputations or not. Our marriage was not the best marriage obviously we had some problems that never got worked out and there were a lot of times that I felt like I was taken advantage of and my needs weren't being met but we would always make it work in the end. She was also disabled physically But she didn't make that stop her from doing what she enjoyed. My wife was six years older than me. Her and I really love 80s music because she was raised on it as much as I was she had always had me serenade her with Phil Collins or Peter Cetera because she knew I was a big fan of those two singers and she liked a lot of songs from both of them. I always bought her gifts on Valentine's Day and take her out to eat I would always get something for her for Christmas or Her birthday and I would make sacrifices to make sure I had the money to make it happen. Unfortunately she didn't give me that same kind of consideration but I understood and honestly I have everything I pretty much wanted in life in terms of material things. There was nothing else I needed if I had her, the things I currently own, my home and her That's all I needed. I want to see our biggest struggle was intimacy because she was a LL. And she was working on that recently because she wanted to have intimacy with her husband and actually enjoy herself and feel like she didn't have to give me duty intimacy I told her if she's doing it out of duty I don't want it. That was probably our biggest problem during our marriage but we still loved each other and did things with one another. She loved when I imitated certain people out there Like there's that Japanese guy hard gay I would get drunk and and I would say "ALLO HARD GAY DESU, OKKKAYY DESU" and she would laugh and be like " My husband is drunk again huh?" and I would say "HOOOOO!!". I miss her smile, her warmth, she gave the best hugs and kisses. I miss those. it's definitely has grown colder since she died.

 

[darksouls]

I am very sorry for your losses

 

[l1ablemistakes]

My wife was my world and my home. Given that I suffer from anxiety and panic disorder, She would always find a way to ground me when I was feeling like I was gonna drop dead. She was a fellow gamer and enjoyed a lot of open world titles on Steam The game she was playing before she passed was Assassin's Creed Odyssey and since I'm a fanatic of Atlantis she got the DLC and played through it so I could watch her do so. My wife was given a rough patch when we met. She had type two diabetes It was on a lot of medication Eventually she lost two of her limbs from it and dealt with infections a lot. A lot of men wouldn't have stayed once the amputations took place because it would be extra work but I love that woman so much that I stayed because I didn't want her to be alone And I still loved her regardless of the amputations or not. Our marriage was not the best marriage obviously we had some problems that never got worked out and there were a lot of times that I felt like I was taken advantage of and my needs weren't being met but we would always make it work in the end. She was also disabled physically But she didn't make that stop her from doing what she enjoyed. My wife was six years older than me. Her and I really love 80s music because she was raised on it as much as I was she had always had me serenade her with Phil Collins or Peter Cetera because she knew I was a big fan of those two singers and she liked a lot of songs from both of them. I always bought her gifts on Valentine's Day and take her out to eat I would always get something for her for Christmas or Her birthday and I would make sacrifices to make sure I had the money to make it happen. Unfortunately she didn't give me that same kind of consideration but I understood and honestly I have everything I pretty much wanted in life in terms of material things. There was nothing else I needed if I had her, the things I currently own, my home and her That's all I needed. I want to see our biggest struggle was intimacy because she was a LL. And she was working on that recently because she wanted to have intimacy with her husband and actually enjoy herself and feel like she didn't have to give me duty intimacy I told her if she's doing it out of duty I don't want it. That was probably our biggest problem during our marriage but we still loved each other and did things with one another. She loved when I imitated certain people out there Like there's that Japanese guy hard gay I would get drunk and and I would say "ALLO HARD GAY DESU, OKKKAYY DESU" and she would laugh and be like " My husband is drunk again huh?" and I would say "HOOOOO!!". I miss her smile, her warmth, she gave the best hugs and kisses. I miss those. it's definitely has grown colder since she died.

I can't even begin to imagine recovering from that kind of loss. Your love bleeds through the screen and I can tell how much you did for her. She was the luckiest woman alive to have an incredible husband like you. Thank you for sharing her memory, and I wish you nothing but peace and healing. In situations like this I like to think she is still looking out for you and wishing you take care of yourself. Obviously nobody would blame you for whatever you choose to do right now, but I think she'd want you to be happy and live a long, healthy life. But it's your decision, and I wasn't lucky enough to know her. She sounds incredible <3

 

[ForeverLonely82]

I can't even begin to imagine recovering from that kind of loss. Your love bleeds through the screen and I can tell how much you did for her. She was the luckiest woman alive to have an incredible husband like you. Thank you for sharing her memory, and I wish you nothing but peace and healing. In situations like this I like to think she is still looking out for you and wishing you take care of yourself. Obviously nobody would blame you for whatever you choose to do right now, but I think she'd want you to be happy and live a long, healthy life. But it's your decision, and I wasn't lucky enough to know her. She sounds incredible <3

She told me if she were to pass before me that she would want me to heal and then when I'm ready to move on she said I was too good of a guy to be single because of how patient and resilient I am as a partner. However I have what I consider that's not attractive to the opposite sex. Morbid obese, poor and not particularly attractive. that's what made her special though. With all the sea I got dirty looks for looking the way I do, she ALWAYS looked at me with love and kindness. the people I talked to liked her as well because she had a good heart and was a good person. She would always ask "My love, am I a good person?" and I would explain why she is and would feel better when in doubt. I tried to lift her up as she does for me when I was down and out. She was incredible. Her "friends" anger me because when she passed, they barely said a word and I was livid on their lack of care for her. They cared when she was alive, but not when she died. well, even if those fake asshole forgot her, I won't, even when her stupid brother forgets her, I won't, when the friend she considered a brother forgets her, I won't. My wife was too special to be forgotten about.

 

[l1ablemistakes]

She told me if she were to pass before me that she would want me to heal and then when I'm ready to move on she said I was too good of a guy to be single because of how patient and resilient I am as a partner. However I have what I consider that's not attractive to the opposite sex. Morbid obese, poor and not particularly attractive. that's what made her special though. With all the sea I got dirty looks for looking the way I do, she ALWAYS looked at me with love and kindness. the people I talked to liked her as well because she had a good heart and was a good person. She would always ask "My love, am I a good person?" and I would explain why she is and would feel better when in doubt. I tried to lift her up as she does for me when I was down and out. She was incredible. Her "friends" anger me because when she passed, they barely said a word and I was livid on their lack of care for her. They cared when she was alive, but not when she died. well, even if those fake asshole forgot her, I won't, even when her stupid brother forgets her, I won't, when the friend she considered a brother forgets her, I won't. My wife was too special to be forgotten about.

She sounds like such a special, one in a lifetime human. I'm glad she gave you that reassurance that you can love again. It sounds like you have so much love to give to the world and itd be a shame if you never did. Never discount yourself from finding love again. From a woman's perspective, looks are not important. Truly. If you like someone's personality, physical attraction kind of naturally follows.
I'm sorry her friends didnt appreciate her aa much as you did. She deserved the world and it sounds like you gave it to her.
If it helps, I won't forget this post or your wife. Your love is a monument and the world deserves to see it.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Truly sorry for your loss. I remember saying the same when your wife passed and now again. I have no words, just know that you are in our thoughts. Sending love and hugs.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry for your loss

 

[ifihadnever]

I'm sorry

 

[Ligottian]

I know a woman whose husband died of cancer around age 40. She said both told the other that they would would never date or marry again if the other died. I think she is quite content with that arrangement.

 

[reowmeow]

Im sorry for your loss

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I think I can relate to what you're going through. Although I didn't lose a spouse, I lost ALL my family over the course of a couple years just a few years back. It was a small family. Like 9 deaths in a few short years. Cousins, sister, mom. My dad had died back in 2002, so he's been gone a while. My mother was the last to pass a few years ago. Now it's just me. Only me. I had good relationships with all my family. Talked to my mom several times a day. I agree, you never know what you had until it's all gone. Just like that. Poof. Everything as you knew it gone. Just like that. Yeah, it's pretty surreal to still exist and not even have one person still alive in this place that loves you. My condolences for your loss.

 

[meddle]

this was really hard to read. cant imagine how hard it is to live in this situation. im so sorry about your wife and father.
you and your wife both are such kind, gentle souls. im happy you met each other. i hope you can recover from your loss and be happy again someday

 

[ForeverLonely82]

I think I can relate to what you're going through. Although I didn't lose a spouse, I lost ALL my family over the course of a couple years just a few years back. It was a small family. Like 9 deaths in a few short years. Cousins, sister, mom. My dad had died back in 2002, so he's been gone a while. My mother was the last to pass a few years ago. Now it's just me. Only me. I had good relationships with all my family. Talked to my mom several times a day. I agree, you never know what you had until it's all gone. Just like that. Poof. Everything as you knew it gone. Just like that. Yeah, it's pretty surreal to still exist and not even have one person still alive in this place that loves you. My condolences for your loss.

Sounds like you had your share of hardships and I'm very sorry to have read them. I'm glad you had a healthy and wonderful relationship with your family I wish the same could have been said with mine. I've said in Past post that my family is like a shotgun blast spread out and not unified. I don't know if it's too much pride or just two difference in personality But there are a lot of reasons why my family could never coexist with one another anymore. I was close to my parents especially my mother I called her every Friday before she passed or she called me when she knew something I needed to know. When talking to my dad he'd only give one word answers but just knowing he was OK and Happy was enough for me to be satisfied. It is awfully soul crushing when you do go through life after those who actually were close to you are gone and then no one gives a damn about you. Not one person loves you enough to care to check on you or see how you're doing. Living in isolation as definitely did a number on me given that I suffer from severe anxiety and depression. I'm in my head way too much However I'm saying enough to know what is right and wrong so I just have to deal with it. Now I can kinda see why people decide to do something crazy and go to jail because at least they're not totally alone. However I would never want to be in such a place given I've been in mental homes a lot which are just like jail but lighter in what you can and cannot do. I know I'm going on about myself because I'm all I know now. I'm still sorry to hear about your losses and I hope you've found time to grieve and heal from losses in life and hope you find if you haven't already something better.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Sounds like you had your share of hardships and I'm very sorry to have read them. I'm glad you had a healthy and wonderful relationship with your family I wish the same could have been said with mine. I've said in Past post that my family is like a shotgun blast spread out and not unified. I don't know if it's too much pride or just two difference in personality But there are a lot of reasons why my family could never coexist with one another anymore. I was close to my parents especially my mother I called her every Friday before she passed or she called me when she knew something I needed to know. When talking to my dad he'd only give one word answers but just knowing he was OK and Happy was enough for me to be satisfied. It is awfully soul crushing when you do go through life after those who actually were close to you are gone and then no one gives a damn about you. Not one person loves you enough to care to check on you or see how you're doing. Living in isolation as definitely did a number on me given that I suffer from severe anxiety and depression. I'm in my head way too much However I'm saying enough to know what is right and wrong so I just have to deal with it. Now I can kinda see why people decide to do something crazy and go to jail because at least they're not totally alone. However I would never want to be in such a place given I've been in mental homes a lot which are just like jail but lighter in what you can and cannot do. I know I'm going on about myself because I'm all I know now. I'm still sorry to hear about your losses and I hope you've found time to grieve and heal from losses in life and hope you find if you haven't already something better.

It's definitely been rough the last 3, 4 years, particularly after my mom died. She was 88 and I knew the day would come, but you're never really ready for it. She had been doing well, living alone with only a few minor considerations. The rest of the family no one could have seen any of it coming. You know, looking back and thinking about the funerals now, it was quite noticeable how at each successive funeral, there was one less person. I mean "family" person. Sure, each of them had a few of their friends show up, too, but as far as family, one member was always missing from the next family member's funeral who died. When my mom died, there was no funeral. She didn't want one to start with, but she was just about the last one left, too, except for me, so there really was just no point. Me and a pastor were the only ones there. All her friends and her sister had died years ago. She lived a fairly lonely life, too, the last several years. It was impossible for me to make up for all the people she had lost in her life.

Yeah, I have no one to check up on me, either. It's just how it worked out. I don't blame anyone. It just is for whatever reason, even no reason at all. I've, also, got nearly 100% alone time, except when I venture out for errands and such and make small talk with a store clerk or bank teller. You know what really is the hardest thing to deal with? The not having anyone still alive who knew my family, especially my mother, with whom I can reminisce about shared life experiences. It all ends with me. I can almost understand that, too, about someone committing a crime just to go to jail to not be alone. Life just isn't made to go it alone. I have no interest in seeing "what comes next". I'm hoping to make it a couple more years, maybe even a little less, tie up a few loose ends, and then bow out on my own terms.I think I've seen enough.

 

[ForeverLonely82]

It's definitely been rough the last 3, 4 years, particularly after my mom died. She was 88 and I knew the day would come, but you're never really ready for it. She had been doing well, living alone with only a few minor considerations. The rest of the family no one could have seen any of it coming. You know, looking back and thinking about the funerals now, it was quite noticeable how at each successive funeral, there was one less person. I mean "family" person. Sure, each of them had a few of their friends show up, too, but as far as family, one member was always missing from the next family member's funeral who died. When my mom died, there was no funeral. She didn't want one to start with, but she was just about the last one left, too, except for me, so there really was just no point. Me and a pastor were the only ones there. All her friends and her sister had died years ago. She lived a fairly lonely life, too, the last several years. It was impossible for me to make up for all the people she had lost in her life.

Yeah, I have no one to check up on me, either. It's just how it worked out. I don't blame anyone. It just is for whatever reason, even no reason at all. I've, also, got nearly 100% alone time, except when I venture out for errands and such and make small talk with a store clerk or bank teller. You know what really is the hardest thing to deal with? The not having anyone still alive who knew my family, especially my mother, with whom I can reminisce about shared life experiences. It all ends with me. I can almost understand that, too, about someone committing a crime just to go to jail to not be alone. Life just isn't made to go it alone. I have no interest in seeing "what comes next". I'm hoping to make it a couple more years, maybe even a little less, tie up a few loose ends, and then bow out on my own terms.I think I've seen enough.

There was no funeral when my mom passed either, she paid for a cremation and when that was done, that was it. I was hoping my siblings would at least pick of her ashes and of course they didn't . My mom... wanted people to feel guilty and sorry for when she did, because she didn't have reliable transportation or the things she needed, but there were people who took the time out of their life to help her when they could and my mother always wanted the world to revolve around her, always reminded her that people have lives and can't bend to your will and they don't have to.

I understand your feelings on "seeing enough" I feel the same. I don't care what happens next, given the status quo, don't want to know honestly. Us humans are made to co exist and not be alone. Hell, there are animals who die from loneliness, meerkats and ferrets are part of that group. Same with people. sure we can LIVE on our own and do ok to a point, but we don't have a connection and feel empty inside, unloved and unwanted. So we just try to make due what we have, but it's not enough, it never is or was without a connection, companion or someone to share our experiences (if any) with. My wife and I decided against having children due to the landscape of life and wouldn't want a innocent child to be burdened with genetic defects that we had. I told my parents, I know you wanted me to have a child, but sorry, the line ends with me. I told myself this blood line is cursed and would NEVER allow a child to experience it. So when life is over, it's over. nothing against my father or mother, but they shouldn't have bred with me. They did it out of love but that doesn't pay the bills or guarantee success either.