Cyagangy
Self Immolation fr fr
- Apr 27, 2024
- 144
Hey it's Cya again. Back after a long break of not immolating myself cuz I couldn't get my hands on the tools I needed (Strong opioids and flame retardant). So as I draft up my next possible plot or just rellunctactly live I wanna talk about the plan I had put in place last year during my suicide attempt. This is a mix of a regular post and a story but I'll shorten it cuz I get excited when writing this down. For context my mom is really controlling and finds any reason to tell or ground me or just straight up take all of my money hostage. At a point I realized that when I get out of highschool she would own me. Almost all my things were bought by her and she could take them away and I to some degree owe her money and would have to pay her back for getting me stuff. I decided to say "screw that" and plan to murder myself and then blame her. My online friend was in the military at this point so I made a Google drive and sent it to him on discord with the instructions to not open it up until a certain day. I then put in all my bye bye messages for my online and real friends inside of the drive. I even save a bye bye messages to send to my mom's email a month after the day I was supposed to die so I can mock her even beyond my own demise. The week before hand I had gotten baptized, I wasn't fully Christian at the time and wanted to atleast absolve myself in preparation to meet my maker. I think recorded my last message for the police to find. I detailed what my mom had done and even had instructions for my friend to post a video of me explaining what my mom had been doing to me for years on end. Sure it was pretty but I just didn't care. I wanted her job to fire her I wanted her to suffer plus she told when when I was 7 that if I killed myself the she would do the same. A part of me hoped that my video would make my family check on her and stop her from doing it so she can suffer longer and know that my blood was on her hand. I chose to do night night x exit bag. Drugged myself out on my earbuds and listened to miracle musical as I drifted into oblivion. Unfortunately it didn't work but dying feels great. It hurts like your dying (No crap) but hearing the soft music as I took what should have been my final breaths was stunning. I wouldn't recommend dying myself cuz that shit kills you. But if you do then you understand what I'm talking about. Anyway I survive all 14 attempts and each time I did it I had set up a plushie with a paper for the police to use which had the drive links to my notes and why I did it. Everything to put my mom under the bus. I wanna think of a universe in which I made the most successful play ever and came out on top in it. However that's just not the world I live in. Oh and as for self immolation I might hold off on that all together cuz God didn't specifically tell me I had to do it but it was a backup just in case. After all he only promised me tribulations comes after I die without saying how soon after.
