BlueberryDeer
Lottery or Suicide, whatever comes first
- Nov 20, 2025
- 87
Yes, I know all the facts, that is more frequently to die by a lighting strike or being hit by a car than winning the lottery, but whatever...
Until I die, I dream about to winning something on the lottery.
Here, in the country that I live, the national lottery have distinct types of lottery, where the jackpot varies between the 50.000 dollars (This is the cheapest games as low as 0,50 dollar cents, for example) to huge jackpots who can go up to 10, 20, 50 million dollars, and there is the New Year's Eve game who this year promises a jackpot of 130 million dollars. In any context that's a tremendous amount of currency, but in a Latin American country is even more.
I don't pretend to win the greatest jackpot. I dream about the mid to small ones, only to ease my existence until I die (In any form), and that includes a warm tiny house in one of the slums of the city, a decent Pc to play games and clear my debt history, thus resulting in a decent credit score.
But that doesn't happen yet. I know it's foolish to have this illusion, but it's my illusion. Internally, I joke that winning the lottery will facilitate the other goals, such as publishing my books and having a partner (Since I don't like my body and I want to do surgeries and accelerate the Hormone Replacement Therapy), only to make my life less miserable. I don't play huge amounts, we're talking up to 30-50 dollars per month, hoping that in the lowest chance possible I will blessed with some kind of jackpot.
The idea of winning the lottery stimulates me more than finding a partner (I'm bisexual, by the way), or having a steady job. Be poor sucks, from having to buy shoes every 2 months because you can't afford decent brands, or eating unbalanced foods and depend on carbohydrates to manage the hunger.
Ah, and I don't pretend to have a filthy rich lifestyle if I achieve the greatest jackpot: no Porsche, no luxury condo at beachfront, no yacht, no Maldives or Dubai trips... only a decent house in a middle class neighborhood and living of the royalties of the money applied in secured, conservative interest rate investments and writing in peace until the existence became unbearable for medical and aging reasons.
From a spiritual perspective, it's a sin to have more faith into catch the jackpot to put my soul in the Divine, I know. But whatever. Maybe I'm delusional, but I can't achieve anything without money, from finding a partner to have the health that I want to, and my current job of only 500 dollars net I can't figure out.
Until I die, I dream about to winning something on the lottery.
Here, in the country that I live, the national lottery have distinct types of lottery, where the jackpot varies between the 50.000 dollars (This is the cheapest games as low as 0,50 dollar cents, for example) to huge jackpots who can go up to 10, 20, 50 million dollars, and there is the New Year's Eve game who this year promises a jackpot of 130 million dollars. In any context that's a tremendous amount of currency, but in a Latin American country is even more.
I don't pretend to win the greatest jackpot. I dream about the mid to small ones, only to ease my existence until I die (In any form), and that includes a warm tiny house in one of the slums of the city, a decent Pc to play games and clear my debt history, thus resulting in a decent credit score.
But that doesn't happen yet. I know it's foolish to have this illusion, but it's my illusion. Internally, I joke that winning the lottery will facilitate the other goals, such as publishing my books and having a partner (Since I don't like my body and I want to do surgeries and accelerate the Hormone Replacement Therapy), only to make my life less miserable. I don't play huge amounts, we're talking up to 30-50 dollars per month, hoping that in the lowest chance possible I will blessed with some kind of jackpot.
The idea of winning the lottery stimulates me more than finding a partner (I'm bisexual, by the way), or having a steady job. Be poor sucks, from having to buy shoes every 2 months because you can't afford decent brands, or eating unbalanced foods and depend on carbohydrates to manage the hunger.
Ah, and I don't pretend to have a filthy rich lifestyle if I achieve the greatest jackpot: no Porsche, no luxury condo at beachfront, no yacht, no Maldives or Dubai trips... only a decent house in a middle class neighborhood and living of the royalties of the money applied in secured, conservative interest rate investments and writing in peace until the existence became unbearable for medical and aging reasons.
From a spiritual perspective, it's a sin to have more faith into catch the jackpot to put my soul in the Divine, I know. But whatever. Maybe I'm delusional, but I can't achieve anything without money, from finding a partner to have the health that I want to, and my current job of only 500 dollars net I can't figure out.
