My day to leave is soon

[21stcenturycamus]

Hey everyone! I hope everyone is doing as well as they could. So my day to finally depart is coming in the next week. My preferred and most probably method is SN. I already have AE, betablockers, antacid and, of course, SN.

I am planning on renting out a cute airbnb next to the Black Sea inside a forest. This past month I have been struggling with anxiety more than usual. I arranged dates with my friends to see them one last time but also get a chance to say they mean the world to me and they made my life much more bearable. I went out with my mom for multiple times, each time was painful as I was secretly carrying the burden of eventually hurting her.

I finally finished writing an essay on why I find the world ultimately horrible which I think of publishing after my passing through a scheduled post on Tumblr. On the other hand, I felt as if writing such an angry and pessimistic, yet highly academic paper rationalizing suicide would read as "booo, her little privileged life sucks so much." The last thing I want to do is to antagonize people. The political climate in my country is already hell. There is a tremendous inflation. People are struggling to survive, get food for their families etc. I don't want to come off as ungrateful or childish. Nonetheless, I am making a decision to leave the world who gives fuck what people are going to think.

I do keep a lot of journals for years now. They all illustrate my depression, ED and anxiety disorder as well as my perspectives on many other things. My last journal for the last 6 months took a dark turn, and more depressed than usual. I know that my family will be reading them. And, I don't have any problems with it to be honest. I find my self to be an articulate and a gifted writer. Nevertheless, I still haven't come around to write a more personalized suicide note as I really do not know what to say. So I'd truly appreciate if you can give me some ideas. The said essay is not in my native language so I don't really expect my parents to care about that.

Another advice I would appreciate is on how to comfort myself during the day of my departure and especially, after I took SN.

Much appreciated! Thank you very much!

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel like only you know what you should write in a suicide note as it is your life after all and only you know what is best. I think that I would personally write down any thoughts that I would want to put in the note.

It really is such a cruel and unfair world that we live in. I find it horrifying that life is even a thing in the first place. I'm sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to the point. I wish you the best in whatever happens and I hope that you find what you are looking for.

 

[hopelessdreams]

first of all, i'm sorry you're going through this and got this point. second of all, you sound like a lovely and thoughtful person. you got me very curious about your essay, so whether you post it or not, i'm already liking it.

personally, i'd write some advice in my note (i don't plan on writing one tho) for some of my friends that helped me through the difficult times. going through trauma, mental abuse, depression and anxiety, i feel like i've gained quite some knowledge about life. id hate for it to go to waste, so i'd write something about that.

as for when you're about to do it, i can't tell you what to do. i'm not encouraging you to do anything. just remember that you can always back out if you don't feel ready. we're all here for you if you decide to stay a little longer <3