justfloating
Student
- Feb 13, 2020
- 172
I'm not talking about survival instinct
I honestly thought I was going to kill myself today. I still had this one little bit of hope in me that needed to be smushed before I CTB, but instead that bit of hope got bigger and circumstances have changed a tiny bit.
The conscious voice in my head wants to die and just get it over with, but my subconscious is now telling me I can't. I don't know how to explain it, I'm just so conflicted what to do now.
I want to die but then if I'm dead I cant have this good thing that I might be able to have now. But if I live, this good thing isn't going to fix all my problems and may even make them worse, but I would be able to bring myself to remove the good thing.
If I attempt CTB and fail the good thing will be gone and the bit of hope will be smushed forever but I may not get another opportunity to CTB.
I honestly thought I was going to kill myself today. I still had this one little bit of hope in me that needed to be smushed before I CTB, but instead that bit of hope got bigger and circumstances have changed a tiny bit.
The conscious voice in my head wants to die and just get it over with, but my subconscious is now telling me I can't. I don't know how to explain it, I'm just so conflicted what to do now.
I want to die but then if I'm dead I cant have this good thing that I might be able to have now. But if I live, this good thing isn't going to fix all my problems and may even make them worse, but I would be able to bring myself to remove the good thing.
If I attempt CTB and fail the good thing will be gone and the bit of hope will be smushed forever but I may not get another opportunity to CTB.
