Venting My brain won't shut the hell up

[alstroemeria55]

Whether it's bad memories, bad thoughts, generally badmouthing myself or tinnitus, my brain won't shut the fuck up. I'm so frustrated. I can't sleep or feel calm with all the noise. It's too much fucking noise.
I used to cover it up with constant music directly into my ears, especially since I always liked my privacy so I never played anything on speakers, but that must be what caused the tinnitus to get worse. Now that I've stopped putting things in the background all the time and acknowledged that it's tinnitus in the first place I'm hyper aware of it. Including my visual snow. Not even my vision is safe. But then it all connects to my brain.
Why is my brain so screwed up? I wish I could splatter it all over the walls. Why am I so damaged? I'm like a glitching, sputtering computer from 1994. I'm so broken down.

 

[Jadotine]

I don't have any words of advice unfortunately, but just to let you know you are not alone... I always thought that something is seriously wrong with me too.
My mind is ALWAYS busy with so many voices contradicting one another, its honestly exhausting so I understand how you feel. Music helped too but you can't have at every moment of the day unfortunately

I used to drown them with alcohol or medications just so I could have some 'peace'
I'm not sure that would work for you, but it did help quieten them on some days (especially anxolytics)

So sorry that you're having to live in this constant noise

 

[fkyou]

Same.the only choice is I shut it by force (ctb)

 

[ceelobling]

Exactly. Sometimes it's hard to work on something when I have all these thoughts pestering me. I'm trying to ignore things, and I feel like I have to stop what I'm doing just to ignore them. I have to kill myself just to get rid of it all, I can't take this annoying shit in my head anymore.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

I understand