Venting my boyfriend (or ex idk) self harmed.

[deadngoresurgery]

tw: self harm description

yesterday, i decided to try and break up with my bf. oh my god, it was horrible. i feel so bad for him. he was so attached to me and i did this to him. he did so much for me and i did this to him. i had to, but im still at fault. i begged him not to do anything stupid and he replied with "too late". i asked him "what did you do". then he sent it. it was a picture of his leg all cut up. it was horrible. his right thigh was just covered in bad cuts. i felt so fucking horrible. now hes not respondng to me and im so fuckijg worried. i wanna talk to him after what happened yesterday, but holy fuck, i dont know what to do. i wanna talk to him so bad. i have no one to talk to either and i wanna make sure hes okay. i really do. but hes so hurt after what i did to him. fucking hell. i wanna cut myself so bad but my friend threw my razors away. he stopped talking to me too. i dont know what to do. i want to die so fucking bad right now

 

[uglymisanthr0pe]

Hey I dont think its ur fault it just seems like hes a little bit insecure. I get that ppl get attached but you cant be as close when the other person doesnt want to be.
You probably had a reason for breaking up with him. Hopefully u guys can still be friends
But remember try ur best not to relapse, but if its keeping you from ctb you can try.
Again its not ur fault mostly. Im saying mostly because I have so idea what the reason was

 

[deadngoresurgery]

Hey I dont think its ur fault it just seems like hes a little bit insecure. I get that ppl get attached but you cant be as close when the other person doesnt want to be.
You probably had a reason for breaking up with him. Hopefully u guys can still be friends
But remember try ur best not to relapse, but if its keeping you from ctb you can try.
Again its not ur fault mostly. Im saying mostly because I have so idea what the reason was

well, the reason is because i dont wanna hurt him anymore. he deserves better than me. ive hurt him in the past and we even ended it a bit there, but he forgave me and wanted to continue with me, so i did. and unfortunately i kinda fell out of love with him, but at the same time, its like i love him. i dont even know. there was another issue that arose because im really problematic, so i dont want to subject him to any more pain. im really fucked up and horrible, so i dont wanna hurt him anymore in the future. i thought it was best that we just ended the relationship, but it was so hard because i guess i do still love him. he was begging me not to leave, that i should try and fix it. and his messages were really disturbing. he talked about wanting to kill himself everything, and i just feel at fault. i wanna protect him by getting myself away from him. but what the fuck do i do. he hurt himself because i tried leaving. its my fault and now idk what to do. fuck this shit

 

[uglymisanthr0pe]

well, the reason is because i dont wanna hurt him anymore. he deserves better than me. ive hurt him in the past and we even ended it a bit there, but he forgave me and wanted to continue with me, so i did. and unfortunately i kinda fell out of love with him, but at the same time, its like i love him. i dont even know. there was another issue that arose because im really problematic, so i dont want to subject him to any more pain. im really fucked up and horrible, so i dont wanna hurt him anymore in the future. i thought it was best that we just ended the relationship, but it was so hard because i guess i do still love him. he was begging me not to leave, that i should try and fix it. and his messages were really disturbing. he talked about wanting to kill himself everything, and i just feel at fault. i wanna protect him by getting myself away from him. but what the fuck do i do. he hurt himself because i tried leaving. its my fault and now idk what to do. fuck this shit

Its been a day.. so has he said anything yet? Please dont take this to your heart because it really seems like its because of his own problems. Your reason is really reasonable and he should be understanding. I guess the best you can do is be there for him for a while. Not as in get back together with him, but support him and help him to get over his problems.

Btw! I love acid bath, jezebel is so goodd

 

[reticulator]

For the most part people that are actually serious about CTB won't really tell anyone short of leaving a note. When someone is sending pictures of superficial cuts, it's usually a manipulation tactic. When someone really wants to die, they tend to withdraw like an animal in its final moments.

 

[deadngoresurgery]

Its been a day.. so has he said anything yet? Please dont take this to your heart because it really seems like its because of his own problems. Your reason is really reasonable and he should be understanding. I guess the best you can do is be there for him for a while. Not as in get back together with him, but support him and help him to get over his problems.

Btw! I love acid bath, jezebel is so goodd

Hi! Yes, he has responded, but like, when i talk to him, he acts as if nothing happened. he still talks like when we were together. he hasnt had those thoughts anymore. i dont know why he cut himself, he said he didnt want to do it, he just wanted me back. in a way, i still love him idk. im like attached to him or sum. but i also fell in love with someone else already, it hurts a lot...

and yes, acid bath is literally why i live lol

For the most part people that are actually serious about CTB won't really tell anyone short of leaving a note. When someone is sending pictures of superficial cuts, it's usually a manipulation tactic. When someone really wants to die, they tend to withdraw like an animal in its final moments.

i dont know. in my experience, i wanna ctb, but on some days i dont. as in, the feeling disappears, then comes back again when something is deeply upsetting me. i have planned it out, but its too much of a hassle to go through with it. if i kill myself, i want it to be as painless as possible guaranteed, like euthanasia through inhaling a gas. or going to sleep, then i die in my sleep. and yeah, i have never sent anyone a picture of my self harm, unless they specifically ask to see and i trust them. i think its weird to send it to someone out of nowhere.

and i guess id have to agree. i dont think he wants to ctb, hes said he doesnt want to cut himself, so i dont know if it is manipulative or not, or if hes dealing with his own issues because i broke up with him. i genuinely dont know

 

[sillycat]

Heartbreak hurts more than a thousand cuts. Hope you two pass this chaotic chapter soon.