My abusers have a normal life and I live in agony

[noname223]

My parents abused me for more than a decade physically. They have normal lifes are happy the only thing that disturbes their peace are their children who are mentally severly ill. I wonder why...I am dependent on them. But lately I want less contact because I am angry. I don't know why I have not already end it. My parents are clearly not the reason that keep me going. I am currently still not poor and I currently don't have psychosomatic pain. That's probably the reason.
I am so sad about my ruined life, all the things I miss out and many of my issues are irreversible. Lately I lose interest in a lot of stuff and instead I think about suicide. Just by being rational about what is coming and my current state suicide would not be stupid in my case. I tried to recover the last 7 months. I wrote a lot of applications and had many job interviews. However I broke down after a short time of working.
The situation is so hopeless all I do is suffering. But the pain is currently not enough to do it finally. I am bipolar the next severe depression will come. This will be the time to do it. I never had a chance.

I don't want to forget the bullies in school. They came all from very affluent families. I am pretty sure they have wonderful lifes I am glad I don't live there anymore. I just don't want to think about them...

 

[Scribble Fan]

Same, my parents off living wonderful lives while I'm stuck in this hell thanks to them. Makes me so mad sometimes.

 

[Largeletters]

My parents have never really abused me, but I was bullied in school (physically, verbally, cyber) and had two controlling relationships. I completely relate to the fact that they get to live these normal, wonderful fucking lives, while I don't. One day they will see what they did to me, or how much pain they added onto me when I was already suffering... one day. It's horrible and I'm sorry the people who were supposed to protect you did the opposite.

 

[C8THEGR8]

Bad relationships with partners, friends, family, broke down every part of me. I barely feel like a person anymore, even after therapy and stuff. I'm definitely not the same person. I'm not even angry anymore, I'm just sad that I look around and don't relate to the world. If I could find a place to fit in, if I felt loved or like I wanted, if I could have control of my life, if I had any single good thing to hold onto I would keep fighting but I feel like it's all taken away by my past or the people around me. It hurts me that other people can affect my life so significantly then go home to their lives and continue as normal. I don't want to hurt them exactly but I can't control it or change it, I don't know how else to communicate what they've done. If I'm destined to feel like this forever then why try anymore?

 

[FuneralCry]

This world is very unfair. Other people can be so cruel and have the potential to ruin our lives. It makes me hate being human and seeing what they are capable of makes me want to leave this earth even more.

 

[Largeletters]

[Removed]

I'm so sorry for the pain you have suffered in your life.

 

[motel rooms]

They say the best revenge is living well. I can't seem to do that, so I guess I'll just have to die well...

 

[Water-Lily]

My parents abused me for more than a decade physically. They have normal lifes are happy the only thing that disturbes their peace are their children who are mentally severly ill. I wonder why...I am dependent on them. But lately I want less contact because I am angry. I don't know why I have not already end it. My parents are clearly not the reason that keep me going. I am currently still not poor and I currently don't have psychosomatic pain. That's probably the reason.
I am so sad about my ruined life, all the things I miss out and many of my issues are irreversible. Lately I lose interest in a lot of stuff and instead I think about suicide. Just by being rational about what is coming and my current state suicide would not be stupid in my case. I tried to recover the last 7 months. I wrote a lot of applications and had many job interviews. However I broke down after a short time of working.
The situation is so hopeless all I do is suffering. But the pain is currently not enough to do it finally. I am bipolar the next severe depression will come. This will be the time to do it. I never had a chance.

I don't want to forget the bullies in school. They came all from very affluent families. I am pretty sure they have wonderful lifes I am glad I don't live there anymore. I just don't want to think about them...

This si me. My abusers, the people who abused me are likely living a good life. I think of the guy who assaulted me in college and how my report did nothing. How my voice did nothing. Nobody cared for me in that time. I wanted to die out of both a cry for help and out of spite. I was that desperate I wanted to spite him just to make him feel bad. No guarantee he would have given a shit, but the assault fucked me up. When I think of that, how I suffer and how he lives Scott free, it makes me want to die. I feel you. I just hate trauma and how victims are expected to "be strong" and the abusers have the time of their fucking lives.

What I am trying to say, is that you are not alone. I feel you *hugs*

They say the best revenge is living well. I can't seem to do that, so I guess I'll just have to die well...

This. People said "live well that'll show them/spite them." and I'm like "how?!". Victims can get better sure, but I sure as hell don't want to. Not with this pain I carry. I don't want to die but, they robbed me of the desire to live. They robbed me of that choice

 

[ElizabethsFault]

My parents abused me for more than a decade physically. They have normal lifes are happy the only thing that disturbes their peace are their children who are mentally severly ill. I wonder why...I am dependent on them. But lately I want less contact because I am angry. I don't know why I have not already end it. My parents are clearly not the reason that keep me going. I am currently still not poor and I currently don't have psychosomatic pain. That's probably the reason.
I am so sad about my ruined life, all the things I miss out and many of my issues are irreversible. Lately I lose interest in a lot of stuff and instead I think about suicide. Just by being rational about what is coming and my current state suicide would not be stupid in my case. I tried to recover the last 7 months. I wrote a lot of applications and had many job interviews. However I broke down after a short time of working.
The situation is so hopeless all I do is suffering. But the pain is currently not enough to do it finally. I am bipolar the next severe depression will come. This will be the time to do it. I never had a chance.

I don't want to forget the bullies in school. They came all from very affluent families. I am pretty sure they have wonderful lifes I am glad I don't live there anymore. I just don't want to think about them...