my 2024 recap

[5karlet]

another year wasted. i turned 18 2024 but from 2022 until then nothing has changed still the same depressive episodes, but 2023 was a really dark time for me. i don't know if i even worked that year and if i did it wasn't for long and almost ctb via gun. i was there staring at my moms pistol but i really wanted to talk to my online friend one last time. felt like it'd be unfair if i did it without talking to her before. depression only got worse from there and then i came to a conclusion that's been keeping me going ever since. if it's between ending it all and living, im gonna live how i want, say what i want, do what i want. (basically just being myself) i told my parents about it my mom said she was gonna take me to talk to someone and it was just like a regular doctor and the worse part (get this) THEY WERE IN THE ROOM WITH ME. that literally defeats the whole point. like my dad i absolutely love my dad. he's one of the few people i care about. my mom on the other hand… ehhh i guess. it's not like i despise her or anything but she's very 2 faced and is very greedy. but basically fast forward to 2024 because nothing else happened 2023 and still things feel the exact same. my friend came to my birthday dinner with my family so that was epic. this was in february also in february my grandma asked me to get her some medicine and she had it like SUPER hidden and i was like "what could this be" turns out, it's oxy! (percocet) and from then on basically all 2024 was me popping pills like candy. i had a job at a warehouse for like a month in august but i had to get up at like 5 am for work and i was not rocking with that. and also my mom had hydrocodone. so basically from there, it was all game. from february up until late december i was literally just stealing their pills . but like i said ima live how i want. i kinda felt bad for taking them from my grandma because she had surgery on her foot but also not really. my mom on the other hand, i ain't feel bad for shit. so basically one day i took like 8 of my moms pills at once obviously she'd notice it was really stupid on my part. and she was crying scared i'd od or something and i was telling her ill be fine and blah blah but she just wouldn't stop crying like damn ma. it's lowkey annoying. but after that she kicked me out now im staying with my dad and things have been going great ever since. about to get my license soon, ive been eating really good. ive gained almost 15 pounds in a month. my mom she would never cook never ask if i was hungry or anything plus i was depressed over there. id eat one bowl of cereal a day. i went to the doctor too before i got kicked out and the put me on ssri's (setraline) i was taking them but then i kinda just stopped feeling like it. ever since i got kicked out i haven't had ANY percocet and i haven't had any withdrawals but man do i want some. my friend has some and i really wanna cop some but im waiting to get paid first. my main goal is to get rich and become a junkie. if i could go back and do this year over id sell all the pills i was pocketing. i woulda made so much money you really don't understand. i probably coulda bought a car. but the past is the past. and if you read this far thank you for your time and patience.