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didn't physically go up to her with a knife or show her a rope or anything. It's all a blur, I got super high to cope. I don't even remember if I threatened suicide. I think I said something like I don't want to live but I'm not going back to check. I don't think I said "I'll kill myself". Probably just vaguely eluded to not wanting to be alive. I hope it didn't damage her too much. It probably didn't. I'm fine after my mother's several suicide (and murder) threats.
It's horrible to hear that you went through that. That sounds really traumatizing and horrific. I would never threaten to kill a child or blame my suicide on a child, but im scared I wouldn't be able to stop cutting and attempting even if I had kids. I think if I was stable I would have loved to have children but im scared of traumatizing them with my suicidality and self harm tendencies. I had a really kind woman talk to me in the hospital about how her mom would self harm and how much it traumatized her and led to her similar habits when she was older. Im absolutely terrified of being a catalyst to someone else picking up the same habits I do.
Yeah it wasn't fun. She would ignore me for up to a week and stay in bed listening to sad music. We would just wail in the back of the car when she'd threaten to crash. I thought it was normal for a long time. She's got issues but I do in fact love her. She'd always go on about how I wouldn't care if she died then threaten to prove it.
Yeah she blames it all on me too. I don't tell her much anymore either. She'll just use it against me later. I had to block her once even though we live together. She gets really mad when I hang out with my father. Maybe I just want a relationship with both my parents (and younger brother who kind of looks up to me)
People who are "fine" after being traumatized by a female parental figure don't make the misogynistic and obsessive posts you have in response to your—in your own words—"stupid idiot" ex girlfriend leaving you, my man. Maybe reflect on that.
