more stupid little issues

[lavenderlilylies]

i told myself that i won't be attending my graduation ceremony unless i get second class honors (3.7-3.8 out of 4.0). my current gpa is 3.65 with less than 10 credits left and a crippling depression. needless to say i'll need a miracle to get there.

for me, i don't want to go regardless, for more reasons than one, but i was willing to put my wants aside and go for my mom's sake if i at least got a gpa i could be proud of. but without it walking that stage would be more like a walk of shame lol.

if i was in a better place it wouldn't be an issue, 3.65 isn't nothing, they'll still acknowledge it as excellence, but i don't want that, i've worked hard for it yet i can't be proud of it. it's embarrassing.

i still don't know how to break it to my mom that i won't be going. it might be a fight. i just can't see myself enjoying or even pretending to enjoy it.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Maybe you're being just a little hard on yourself? It will still be seen as excellence, and not many people can say that. You've worked hard and I understand that you are disappointed. But you will miss out for missing it by only a fraction. I'm sorry you feel this way but I'm sure your mom would be proud and I think you can be proud too. I hope you can still celebrate somehow after all the hard work

 

[lavenderlilylies]

I wanted to come back to this thread to continue the saga since i graduated last semester. And i didn't want to start a whole new thread for such stupid stuff.

I in fact could not raise my gpa enough, as expected. I only managed to get it to 3.67. I have many emotions about it, none of them are positive. I have failed.

I attempted to convince my mom that i couldn't register for the past academic year's ceremony (since i graduated in the summer semester), but she found out that I can. It wasn't a whole fledged fight, but she tried to talk me into it multiple times already, and cried today when i refused again. The registration period isn't over yet, so I guess she'll try again.

I feel horrible. I know I'm being a selfish ungrateful bitch over something I myself realize is very stupid. I extremely dislike myself that I initially would never had entertained the idea of going, but i got hung up on grades so much that it would have made it okay. Like, I would've still been ashamed to be me but at least I would've had a grade to be proud of. But when I'm graduating as someone I dislike, in a major i regret, with a grade I'm embarrassed by, it'll literally be a walk of shame.