Might be alone tonight, not sure if I can go through with it

[whatstheporpoise15]

The members of my household are going to a party down the road tonight and though I've been invited, I really don't want to because I'm a hot mess mentally and physically. I have something set up so that I can drown myself in the backyard pool (weights, sedating medications, etc.) but I've never had the chance because there's always someone here. I just don't want to feel rushed, you know? I want to do this on my own time, rather than having to wait for an empty house (doing it when everyone's asleep isn't an option because of the dogs who will bark like crazy if they hear me leaving the house). I probably won't go through with it, but it also sounds like the perfect setup.

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings are understandable. No one should have to feel rushed. I wish that we lived in a world where we could just die in peace without the fear of others interrupting our plans. Drowning sounds like a horrible method to me and I wish that it is easier. In general, dying should certainly be easier. I hope that in whatever you decide to do, you find relief from your suffering.

 

[theboy]

¿Are you still there?

 

[whatstheporpoise15]

¿Are you still there?

Yes, it turns out the party is actually tomorrow night. Still don't think I'll probably go through with it. If I didn't have people who cared for me so much I would, but I don't know how I could ever push past knowing that I'll traumatize them forever. Perhaps there's a breaking point and I'm not there yet.

 

[theboy]

I understand you. My family still cares about me. I don't know what to do since the truth is that I have a lot to gain from leaving but they would never be relieved. Sometimes I think that one lives for others. It is as if it were an exchange of suffering... to suffer so that they do not suffer.