SuicideBoys93
I am the lord of loneliness.
- Feb 10, 2020
- 324
Today has been one of those days... Starting back in February of 2019 I had a pretty severe left knee surgery. That August I had to have another surgery on my lower left leg. The second surgery was the result of a complication from the first surgery. Spent the entire year rehabbing essentially my whole left leg. I was hit with post injury depression bad. Knee is still pretty painful and I've lost a good amount of mobility. I'm 27 and move like I'm 57. I apologise to any older users in advance. I was really active and was in pretty good shape. Now I go to the gym envious of those squatting or running on treadmills. The gym was my outlet and now I feel like I have been stripped of the only place I find relief. Fast forward to November last year I found out my wife of four years cheated on me. We have been together for six. I honestly never that level of betrayal on anyone. The level of seeing this person as your best friend to simply the feeling of nothing within seconds. I attempted to make it work. I offered possible solutions to the marriage issues that were ignored. Today it officially ended after a simple question of mine was met with me being cussed out. It sucks because I have recently enrolled back into college. I have been looking for something to bring me a sense of meaning back into my life. Now my schoolwork has taken a back seat to thoughts continuously rolling around my head. I have been laying in bed all day staring at the wall reliving my entire relationship with my wife over and over in my head. The last few months anxiety has wrecked havoc on my life. I've had nightly panic attacks consistently the past few months. Now I'm afraid depression will settle back in a long with the suicidal ideations. I was pretty content with my life these past few months outside of the anxiety.
