Does anyone else feel like they are just pumped full of meds? This is ONLY my night time tablets!! Never mind the rest. I often contemplate just stopping them and then the real me will come out and I will end my life. This is fake. I am fake. I'm medicated. Whilst a lot of others aren't. Am I living a lie. Am I just trying to escape my reality. Will I ever even feel OK? Some time I think I don't even know how that feels anymore. Does there come a time where enough is enough. The amount of things I have tried and am I recovered, no. Do I actually ever believe I will be, no. What are these tablets doing? Just stopping me being tipped completely over the edge. I feel like I need to be tipped. Life is so hard. Life is so unfair. I didn't ask to be born so there for why is it so bad for me to want to leave. I hate hurting my loved ones and i know suicide would hurt them but I also know that I'm a huge burden alive. At least with death you know its the end and it doesn't go on forever. When is it OK to give up. I truly believe that as long as I'm alive it will be a daily battle. I didn't chose to abused and raped. I wasn't born like this. It was like a was a possession and sometimes I just feel so fucking alone. This world is so fucked up. Bullied, abused, raped, dad is a can't, push everyone away, hurt everyone and everyone hurts me. I need to go. I know its the only way as I've tried the rest. I need a push to get over survival instinct. I've never been on so many meds and stopping them will be the catalyst to my push I think.... thank you for reading. Sending love to u all xox
