Venting Meditation makes me feel more at ease to ctb instead of making me less suicidal

[KillingPain267]

I try meditations on "letting go" and instead of making me more at peace with life it makes me more at peace at the thought of dying by ctb. I want to "let go" of my "self", but that means letting my body die also I guess.

 

[Apathy79]

That makes sense. The ultimate end goal of letting go is letting go of the fear of death, and the attachment to the body, both of which are answered by suicide. It's a strange element of spiritual work - that suicidal people seem to be on the precipice of enlightenment because many of them have no fears or desires. Yet people who love life have no hope of letting go of those things and so can't get anywhere on that path. They need to hit rock bottom to let go, and a suicidal person is already there and ready. It makes me wonder if suicidal ideation is a genuine spiritual pathway to enlightenment and how often it has happened before.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've heard of that. That some medications effectively enable someone to CTB.

That makes sense. The ultimate end goal of letting go is letting go of the fear of death, and the attachment to the body, both of which are answered by suicide. It's a strange element of spiritual work - that suicidal people seem to be on the precipice of enlightenment because many of them have no fears or desires. Yet people who love life have no hope of letting go of those things and so can't get anywhere on that path. They need to hit rock bottom to let go, and a suicidal person is already there and ready. It makes me wonder if suicidal ideation is a genuine spiritual pathway to enlightenment and how often it has happened before.

I've wondered this too. I suppose I thought enlightenment would be more joyful though. There's certainly a freedom in letting go. Not feeling bound to earthly things. I think the spiritual version might be different though. As in- spiritual people who reach enlightenment are maybe making more space inside themselves for spiritual things. I'm not sure they have such a desire to die either.

The 'trouble' with the non spiritual suicidal of us is that it's more like we're left with great voids inside of us. I would have thought that enlightenment would make a person feel complete and joyful to live. I think suicidal people tend to feel like they have bits missing. Plus, maybe we partly crave for the feeling itself still. The pleasure we used to find in various activities- so- are we actually free? We may not want the actual thing anymore but, we may still miss the desire we had for that thing.

 

[KillingPain267]

It makes me wonder if suicidal ideation is a genuine spiritual pathway to enlightenment and how often it has happened before.

I've heard of some Buddhists practising basically VSED.