Maybe just letting off steam, so to speak. Whatever.

[Hecate]

I am sorry. I have no one else than you good people to talk about this. I feel...less judged.
And sorry if I do not explain myself very much, I just need this...forgive me.


What a minging and perfectly forgettable day.
Even the last reason that was keeping me alive has vanished. Totally.
I have been arrogant and egocentric. How the heck could have it been possible?
Why did I think I was some kind of irreplaceable person for someone else?
C'mon, hit me. I deserve it. I have been an idiot, more than than Myškin guy. Oh, no, here I would even beat him.
I did everything with my very own hands. Or better, my mouth and words. I did not explain myself carefully and I did cause pain to a person who is already suffering a lot, who has been through a lot. This person tried to "committ death", I helped this person as better as I could.
But of course it is all my fault. I am truly disgusting. Why did I not close this darn trap? Why?
Now this person needs time to think, and I feel guilty as hell. I cannot go back in time and slap that face of mine before screwing everything up.

No. No time for sobbing and whining, it is time to decide what I wanna do. I should just die, I have to.
I mean, it is a while I am thinking about it, but now it is getting harder to resistthe temptation.
Lemme say. I spentd nights crying, I am a coward and I cannot do it. I cannot drink SN, I cannot jump from the 10th floor where I live...I can't do anything. Ah. Ahah. Yuppie.
Few days ago, I was in one of those moments and...I stared at the SN bottle on the shelf. It was the first time it happened. Other times I didn't do it, as if I was scared of it. I was surprised about it. Really. Maybe it is nothing for you, but for me...wow.

I'd like to do it far from all that disgusting sea of meat (ehr...people), maybe in a wood, whilst it is raining. I would feel so peaceful. I love rain. Who doesn't?

Sorry for this message, again. I won't bother anyone with my silly discourses anymore.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you are suffering a lot, I know that this life can be unbearable when you are in so much pain. It is not cowardly, feeling like you are unable to leave this world. Suicide really is so difficult. If it was easier to leave, I would already be gone. I also like the sound of ctb in the woods, far away from people. I wish you the best.

 

[Hecate]

It sounds like you are suffering a lot, I know that this life can be unbearable when you are in so much pain. It is not cowardly, feeling like you are unable to leave this world. Suicide really is so difficult. If it was easier to leave, I would already be gone. I also like the sound of ctb in the woods, far away from people. I wish you the best.

What's keeping you from ctb? If I may ask, of course

 

[FuneralCry]

What's keeping you from ctb? If I may ask, of course

For me, it is the lack of peaceful and reliable way to exit and the fear of failing ctb. I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake.

 

[Hecate]

For me, it is the lack of peaceful and reliable way to exit and the fear of failing ctb. I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake.

Yes. Yes. I am hella afeard of failing ctb too. Also, finding myself paralyzed or in a coma or with some serious brain damage...no, at least for once I wanna just fall asleep. Maybe not with a smile, but peacefully, yes.