Maybe it really is all my fault

[symphony]

I've been through the ringer with therapy. Individual sessions, group sessions, residential treatment. Talk therapy, CBT, DBT, EMDR, ACT, IFS, probably more I can't remember at this point. Nothing's worked.

My current therapist keeps telling me that I'm a "brick wall" and not receptive or open. (I maintain I wasn't always this way and have become so as I lose trust in the therapeutic process). She clearly implied that since I well know all the skills these therapeutic modalities teach and still am not getting better (and evidence strongly suggests these therapies help people get better), then the problem must be with me. My fault. All my fault.

Like I want to go on suffering? Maybe now my goal isn't recovery (because my goal is CTB), but when I started therapy years ago that wasn't the case at all.

And you know what? Maybe she's right. I don't know anymore. These days it feels like everything I do is wrong.

Fml




I'll add that the entire goddamn premise of many of those therapeutic modalities (especially CBT and DBT) is "it's all your fault."

CBT: you're suffering and want to die because your thinking is wrong! Silly you. Try harder.

DBT: you're suffering and want to die because your behavior is wrong! Silly you. Try harder.

And since I know all the cognitive distortions and DBT skills and have covered them in therapy many, many times, clearly I must not be "trying harder."




But what if they're right and I am just this massive fuckup? What if everything I say and do is wrong?

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

My current therapist keeps telling me that I'm a "brick wall" and not receptive or open.

Is she suggesting things and you keep refusing to give them a try or something? Because if you genuinely gave all those modes of therapy a legitimate shot, you tried pretty fucking hard. Thats not being "not open". Not receptive can be legitimate, but not if shes saying it as if its your fault. Therapy is restricted by medicine, law, and insurance companies. A lot of it is archaic by design. A lot of people aren't receptive to therapy, but they keep going because there are literally no other valid options. They fucking think 40 minutes once a week is good enough as a standard. Thats a joke.

EDIT: Also you're the client, and shes the professional. Shes the one thats supposed to fucking perform and get some results. If she thinks she can't help you then why isn't she stepping aside and recommending someone else.

 

[lostmylove]

You aren't a brick wall, their methods aren't working as it's primitive and geared towards people who have insignificant issues that can be talked away. You can't hold yourself responsible. The fact you've even turned up to all them sessions is way more than I've done or most people would.

 

[LivideLamb]

Wow. I'm absolutely appalled at the fact that a therapist, someone who went to school for that, a professional, told you that you were the problem. it's absolutely disgusting and no one should ever have to hear. You are not the problem! You are not a brick wall! Therapy is hard, our journey toward better mental health is extremely hard. Don't hesitate to ditch your therapist if you don't feel like opening up to them. It takes time, and you shouldn't be guilty about it.

Wishing you luck and sunny days ahead!

 

[fatefulstillness]

I am so sorry you were treated this way. My experience with therapy has been about the same. It can never be designed for everybody by default, so if your therapist won't adjust to your situation that's on her. It's far too simplistic and comfortable for her to assume you're the problem only because you don't respond to her expectations.

Theories are constructs in which the object is shaped by a point of view. Often times it's necessary to look again. It's important that we keep looking.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really frustrating having to deal with that therapist. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.