Story maybe I should try to get better again

[bugs_for_brains]

for the past like 2 years pretty much I've been sure im gonna kill myself. I got a brief break when I got into a relationship and decided to just basically focus on nothing else but it didn't work and then I got worse (around the beginning of this year)

Anyway my mum found some pills I bought and I don't wanna talk about that in depth rn but the fact that she cared enough to confiscate them without even knowing what they are and without forcing me to show her made me feel really bad since I was originally pretty mad at her for questioning me. At first I just felt ashamed (and i still do) that i made my mum worry about me but then I started to feel very grateful because she could have just yelled at me, opened them herself, etc but she didn't. The thing is my mum hasn't always been the best at stuff like that especially when I was younger. I had kinda given up on her last year but I don't think it's fair anymore after this. I even apologised to her after the whole thing and she didn't even attempt to lecture me even though this time it would've been justified.

Like I said, she's done a lot to hurt me in the past but in her defense a lot of it was just her following my nan which I can't really blame her for especially after I learned more about her situation (not gonna talk about it here) and this today made me completely rethink things. I don't think it's fair at all for me to not let her fix the relationship if she's actually trying.

So basically I think I should try to at least make some improvements so I can actually have a relationship with my mum. I'm kinda scared because I know today could have been a one off but also a few years ago she would never have reacted this way to this situation no matter what so idk. I mean if things fail I can always just kms but I don't think it's helpful to be constantly thinking about how this isn't gonna work lol

sorry if this is worded oddly or anything i didn't reread and im feeling a little off so kinda hard to make sentences LOL. the main point is i love my mum and I want to be better for her :)

 

[timf]

Once we get a more clear and detailed picture of the path someone has walked, we can find that anger turns to sadness.

We are all born helpless, ignorant, and selfish. Not everyone has parents that help them improve much on this initial condition.

Those that have had to rely on their own to make progress, sometimes learn through difficulty. However, sometimes lessons learned and progress made results in greater progress than one would have made otherwise.

The fact that you can see the possibility of reaching out to your mother shows how much progress you have already made. Being able to see one's own parents with compassion and understanding is a pretty healthy achievement.