Marriage of 23 years ending debating if I should end it

[Isseldor]

I'm 48, and have dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was a teenager. I kept this hidden, or so I thought, from my wife until this year. In Feb she tells me she wants to separate because I'll emotionally absent. I finally tell her I'm emotionally absent due to depression and suicidal thoughts. She says she knows and that's why she wants to separate. Something I've always feared, her leaving me because of this, is coming true. So now I might as well do it right? I've picked a date in Sept, that's when my life insurance thought work turns 2 years and they should pay out. I can't live without her, she is/was the reason I got out of bed for years. She is everything to me and her leaving me is the end of life. I can't put out kids through a divorce. Or make them choose between us for holidays or anything else. If I go, the choice is made. This to me is logical.

 

[ReallySillyOtter]

I'm sorry for the situation you're in. I am also 48, and while I've never been married I've often been told by girlfriends I'm emotionally absent (for the same reasons: depression, suicidal thoughts). So yes, you're certainly not alone.

On a practical note, I urge you to review your company's insurance policy. Many policies specifically exclude suicides. You mentioned kids; I'd hate for you to assume they're provided for, and then they get a nasty surprise atop the trauma of you CTBing.

 

[Isseldor]

I went through the policy, they wont pay out of it's done during the first two years of the policy. After that, they will pay out.