Marriage and Musings

[My Melancholy]

In probably an unexpected and extremely ill-advised course of action, my partner and I have plans to be wed. Throughout this period of change, I've been steadfast in my decision to CTB and I've continued to be honest with them about my choices. As before they remain sad about my decision, but when I remind them they can't stop me, the discussion ends.

I've continued to implore them to find someone else and break up with me, but they say they're in love with me and could never bring themselves to end the relationship over something like this. They feel that I'm just trying to purposely sabotage the relationship and that my feelings will change. I believe they're in denial and don't want to address the future.

Understandably, it is an incredibly selfish to do, agreeing to marry someone when I know how everything is going to end. I just don't have the heart to keep trying to get through to them after everything I've said. If they don't wish to believe me, then I'm just going to stop mentioning it as I quietly go through the motions and try to enjoy the time I have left with them. I don't want to spend the last of my time in pointless arguments. It'll be nice to have someone in my final moments.

I don't believe in hell, but if there was one, this would probably send me there. I've made my peace with the fact that I'm a terrible person. Fortunately, the dead don't need morality.

 

[HowlerFlamingpaws]

Honestly, I'm right there with you. Against all same advice, I got married. My partner deserves better. And I wish they'd go find that better someone. Maybe cutting them loose will do it. Maybe then they'll realize the only way to make the pain stop is to cut out the tumor that I am.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I wish I never got married. Id still be in NYC. I knew then I needed to ctb, but here I am on the rough road again.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel like you've been absolutely transparent with them. If they still want to do it and ignore or accept the risk then, it's up to them ultimately. Maybe they think their life is still better with you in it- no matter if it's only a short period. I agree though. It sounds more like they hope you'll change your mind.